


A Shadow-Kissed Girl Named Rose

by WingedLadyColette



Category: Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: F/M, Strigoi-Rose, Vampire-Rose, strigoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:11:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 38,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2040336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingedLadyColette/pseuds/WingedLadyColette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose goes to meet with a Moroi researcher who believes he can uncover the secrets of Spirit when the house is attacked by Strigoi and Rose is taken hostage. Vampire Rose. Dimitri/Rose and Christian/Lissa</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Traveling

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: So, I love this series and I firmly believe that it wasn't given the love that it so rightfully deserves. I've been tentative about writing a story for it, worried that I would somehow not be able to do it justice, but I've decided to give it a shot. Here's to hoping that I can at least do a somewhat adequate job. So, here we go. A chance to put this idea out there. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead, the most brilliant woman in the world.
> 
> Warning: Nothing, except maybe language.
> 
> Word Count: 3,756

"Are you sure that you won't mind?" Lissa asks as I pull on my leather jacket. I check to make sure that my stake is secure in my belt loop on my jeans. I lean down and tuck the bottom of my jeans into my black boots. I run my hand over it, silently thanking my best friend for thinking; what can I get for Rose that's both comfortable and fashionable. That girl knows me so well.

 

"Not at all," I say, straightening up. "I'm a Guardian, it's what I do." I shrug, and then grin. "So, have you thought about what you and Christian are going to be doing tomorrow night?"

Lissa grins back, the tops of her fangs showing. "Come now, Rose, you know that, as Queen of the Moroi, there will be no tomfoolery for someone as sophisticated as I." She laughs. "I was thinking maybe a nice dinner and perhaps a walk around the town." Her blue eyes drift far away and she smiles happily. I just love the way she looks when she thinks about spending time with Christian. I'll admit that I didn't like him at first but now, I can't even begin to remember why I didn't like him. I loved the way he used to make her feel.

Now that the bond is gone, I can only feel it through memory. Either way, I'm happy to see that she's so happy. It's like everything is suddenly going right in the world. I miss the connection that we used to have, but I refuse to let it dictate my life. Now, I'll just have to be an impressive Guardian without my connection to Lissa. I guess, a little work would do me some good.

"Scandalous," I say, poking her in the gut. "What will the other royals say?"

"Hopefully they'll keep their mouths' shut. But, I'll be taking Dimitri with me just in case there's any trouble," Lissa says, sighing. She stretches a bit before running her hands down her stomach, over the silk material of her royal blue dress.

"Well, I guess someone's got to give him something to do," I say playfully.

Lissa smiles at me. "With his girlfriend leaving town for a few days, I'm sure he'll need something to do."

I look at her sharply. "That sexy Russian asshole has a girlfriend? I bet she's hideous. I bet when he's with her, he thinks of me."

Lissa throws her head back and lets out a musical laugh, her long pale swan neck stretched out. She leans back forward, mirth shining in her sparkling blue eyes. "I bet he does. I hear she had a big nose."

I grin at her. "And nasty teeth."

"And a bad personality," Lissa laughs.

I bulk. "Okay, do we have to talk about your issue with my personality?"

Lissa's eyes squint with her smile. I just love that look on her. It feels like she never smiles enough. "I thought we were talking about Dimitri's girlfriend, not you."

I purse my lips at her and shake my head. I look around the room Dimitri's and my shared room mentally wondering when the last time I saw him was. We were together last night. I think we had lunch this afternoon. Yeah, that was a couple of hours ago. "Speaking of, where is my eye candy?"

"Working, I'm sure," Lissa says. She shrugs her thin shoulders and lowers herself onto the bed that Dimitri and I share. She smooths out a wrinkled corner of the bedspread that I missed in my haste to do it this morning. She and I sit in silence for a moment. "Are you sure you'll be okay? I would send more, but I don't want to attract too much attention to Mr. Kyoshiva's movements."

"I understand that, Liss," I say, crossing my arms over my chest. "That's why I insisted on going myself. If this Kyoshiva guy is what he claims he is then he may be able to tell us more about Spirit. I don't trust many other people with that than myself."

Lissa nods, crossing her legs elegantly. She looks up at me in one of the rare times I'm taller than her. "I couldn't agree more. He's said to have been studying the effects of spirit for years now. But no one believed him enough to even consider bringing it to the late Queen Tatiana's attention."

"Imagine how the world would be different if they did," I say, rolling my eyes. I roll my shoulders back and then let them drop. "Oh well, too late now. So, when am I suppose to be heading out, again?"

Lissa rolls her eyes at me. "You need to leave by six. A helicopter should be waiting for you."

"Key word being: should," I grumble, flopping down on the bed next to her. She moves a bit and lays down next to me. "Knowing my luck, I'd have to do a steady sprint to Nevada."

Lissa laughs. "Yeah, I bet your luck would turn up like that. I don't pity your resolve, Rose. I don't think I would be able to take everything that you have with quite the level of... diligence that you do. There is very little I can imagine that you wouldn't be able to do."

I look over at her, reaching out and touching one of her loose blond curls. "Like what?"

She turns to look back over at me. "Like what? You mean like what I can imagine that you wouldn't be able to do?"

I nod. "Yeah."

She shakes her head. "I'm not sure if I should say." She gives me a knowing look.

I sit up and look down at her. "Come on, Liss. I feel like I've been issued a challenge."

Lissa rolls her eyes, sitting up as well. "Don't be like that, Rose. You aren't perfect."

"News to me," I say. She grins.

"Make it back from this trip without any issues and I'll have a list typed up," she says, mirthfully. "Double space if you want."

I give her an incredulous look. "A list? There's a list now?" I turn away from her to scoff playfully. Lissa nudges me with her shoulder, smiling at me. She and I exchange happy looks before she stands up, just seconds before a knock sounds at the door. I stand up and walk over, opening it to see another Guardian standing there. I lean against the door frame. "Yes?"

"Is Queen Vasilisa in there?" she asks.

"You lost Lissa?" I gasp, eyes wide. The Guardian, only a few years older than me, jumps slightly. The look of horror that crosses the Guardian's face is almost enough to make me bust out laughing. "Wait here, I'll grab my purse and stake and help the search party. You check the west wing, I'll check the east." She tenses, almost about to obey before Lissa, smiling widely, opens the door.

"Stop that, Rose, the last thing I need is the palace up in arms thinking I'm missing," Lissa says pushing me back a bit to look at the Guardian, who is now glaring at me.

"My Queen, you are needed for your five o'clock appointment," she says, pulling her eyes away from me to look at Lissa.

Lissa nods, thanking the Guardian before turning to me and pulling me into her arms. Her shoulders sag a little but she looks determined to see her reign through, effectively. "I'll see you later. Hopefully I'll be out of my meeting before you go. But if I don't, take care of yourself out there. I'll see you when you get back."

I squeeze her tightly before letting her go. "Alright. I'm gonna finish packing and go hunt down the supposed love of my little Dhampir life."

Lissa grins. "What about Dimitri?"

I grin back. "I guess I can go say goodbye to him too." I wave my hand around like the prospect couldn't be any lower on my stuff to do. Lissa knows me better than that, or so her look tells me.

Lissa shakes her head. "Alright, I'll see you, Rose."

I wave a little. Smiling innocently at the dark look the Guardian sends me. "Love you, Liss."

"Love you too, Rose," Lissa calls over her shoulder as she makes her way down the hall with the Guardian by her side. I watch her leave with a smile on my face, waiting for what I know she's going to do. I don't need to be in Lissa's head to know what goes on in there. Before she's half way down the hall away from me, she turns at the hip and smiles that secret smile.

I smile back and watch her until she's out of view before turning back into my room, closing the door behind me, and finish packing my suitcase. I make sure to pack two back up stakes, just in case. In my life I've learned it's always better to be safe than sorry. Once it's all done, I put my luggage by the door and head out, hunting for my man. I search aimlessly, walking the extravagant halls racking my mind for if he told me where he was going to be working today.

I stop in the middle of the hall and cross my arms. Usually he's with Lissa. When he's not...

Snapping my fingers, I turn and jog back down the hall to Christian's room. I knock on his door and a moment later it opens to reveal the familiar blue eyes, dark haired Moroi that I've come to love and respect. He smiles when he sees me and I smile back.

"Hey handsome, have you seen my better half?" I ask.

Christian laughs, stepping aside a bit so I can see Dimitri, in total god-of-the-Guardian's Gaurdian mode. His dark, lovely brown eyes flicker over to me, then away, then back and the corners of his mouth quirk up.

"Do you mind?" I ask Christian, accepting his silent offer and step into the room. He shakes his head and I hold my arms open toward Dimitri. "My better half, love of my life, wind beneath my wings, yin to my yang, uh..." I make a face. "Scooby to my Shaggy, uh, Russian phasing for light of my life-oh! That was a good one." I grin widely at Dimitri's affectionate smile.

"Rose, what are you doing here?" Dimitri asks.

I pull him down for a quick kiss, knowing how he feels about public displays of affection while working. "I'm actually going out of town for a couple of days so I wanted to say goodbye. When are you getting off work?"

"Nine," Dimitri says.

I turn and look at Christian with a dry look. "Slave driver." He holds his hands up.

"I don't make the rules, Hathaway." I roll my eyes at that. "Where's Lissa?" He asks.

I wave my hand around. "She's off appeasing the royal pains in my ass." I pause, gazing back at him and smiling sweetly. "No offence."

Christian gives me a humorous look. "None taken. So where are you going?"

Christian and I sit down on the couch in his little greeting area. Dimitri, who is still on the job, stands in the corner of the room ever reliable and is watching us. I wink flirtatiously at him when his eyes lock on to mine and he looks away, a small quirk at the corner of his mouth.

I look back at Christian to answer. "I'm on protection duty with some supposed Spirit researcher named something Kyoshiva that wants to get in touch with Lissa about what he's learned. So I'm the natural choice to go and see what's up. It'll only be a few days."

"That poor man, going through his life with a name like Something," Christian says, shaking his head. "His parents must have hated him."

"Huh?" I blink, staring at him. I purse my lips realizing what he said. "Shut up, Ozera. So, I'll be in Nevada for a few days." I check my watch and stand up. "I'd best get going." Christian stands up and follows me to the door.

"Good luck and take care of yourself, "Christian says.

I lightly slap his stomach. "I'll be fine. Have fun on your date with Lissa tomorrow."

Christian nods. "We will. Later."

I wiggle my fingers at Dimitri and head out. Before I can get too far someone grabs my elbow and spins me around. Normally, I would throw a seriously impressive right hook but I know who it is. Dimitri presses me tightly against the wall and kisses me. As per usual, I'm in heaven. I kiss him a few times and then finally drag myself away. I take two steps backward only to shove him against the wall and kiss him as hard as I can.

"We are so violent with each other," Dimitri says between kisses.

I grin. "And that's the way we like it." One more kiss, another and one last one and I finally have to pull myself away, for real this time. "I will be back."

"Stay safe, Roza," he says softly.

I can't help myself, I kiss him one more time, this time very softly before stepping back. "I will, comrade. Just try not to be too lonely without me." With one more air kiss, I jog back down the hall on my way to my room. And I just love the little smile he sends my way before heading back to Christian's side. Ever the reliable and capable Guardian.

All work, no play.

 

I can't wipe the goofy smile off my face, even as I make my way to the helicopter. I love those big brown eyes and the way his lips feel on mine. My smile widens a bit and I have to shake off the desire to run right back in there and kiss that ridiculously tall Russian man to pieces. I wave to the pilot and hop on, feeling like one of those important people in the movies that got to get places fast so there's always a convenient helicopter for my needs.

I'm like... Rose "007" Hathaway. Yeah, that's exactly how I feel.

The flight was long and uneventful, I kept staring out the window blankly wishing that Lissa and I still had our bond so during the boring times of my life, I could slip into hers and hope that there is a little excitement going on in hers. I don't even try, I already know it wont work. I have felt a little empty since I almost died again and my two Spirit wielding guardian angels saved my life.

I worry about Lissa and Adrian, even though the later wants nothing to do with me since I betrayed him, about their healthy. I worry about their health with and without Spirit in mind. Lissa has been working herself to the bone trying to figure out how to be Queen when dealing with people rising against her because of her youth and inexperience.

And they're targeting Jill. But she's safe with Eddie. I know he'll look after her.

Adrian has been drinking more than ever. I know he's really down -er angry- about what happened between us. I mean, I understand why he does. I'm basically shittiest person in the world in Adrian's book. In a lot of people's book actually. Because that's what shape my luck comes in. If there was a tangible shape where the shittiest luck could come in, that would be it.

Now that I think about it, there probably is. It's probably some Rose-shape. Like my face. Or my ass. Either way, I'm sure there's one out there. And I'm sure I wouldn't like what it reminds me of.

I shift into as comfortable position as I can while being in a helicopter. I cross my arms over my chest and close my eyes. This is going to be a long ride.

 

By the time I arrive in Nevada, there is a rental car waiting for me. A young man is also standing by it. He looks over at me as I approach. He meets me half way and welcomes me. "Guardian Hathaway?"

I nod and shake his hand. "Yes, and you?"

"Oh," he smiles kindly, "I'm Kyle Richmond. I'm here to take you to Mr. Kyroshiva's house. I'm a Guardian there. This way."

I nod again and get into the passenger side of the vehicle. He goes on and on about how exciting it is to have "someone of your caliber" out to help with old man Kyoshiva. Apparently, he's an old Moroi researcher that began dabbling into the Spirit users when his granddaughter, Alina, wasn't able to specialize. That was back before anyone really knew about Spirit. It was almost ten years ago. Alina is 25 now and is home taking care of her grandfather.

Guardian Richmond is friendly and I like his laid back attitude, a stark contrast to some of the stuck up people at Court. He's very friendly and is openly blabbing on and on about any and all topics. I sit back and listen to him fly from one topic to another. Noting that while he's all over the place in the topics department his eyes never once deviate from the road. His constant blabbing reminds me a lot of Natalie.

There is a pang of pain in my chest at the thought of that poor misguided girl. All she wanted was for her jerk of a father to see her. She was so lonely; both at home and at school. She would do just about anything to get just a little bit of love and attention and I can understand that. I mean, my life wasn't absolutely horrible. Yeah, my home life was never... exciting. I spent most of my free time with Lissa.

Mom's never home. Dead beat Moroi father out breaking kneecaps. I was living the life with my best friend. And then there was the car accident and all of that changed. I never felt alone, especially after I bonded with Lissa but there was always that feeling, knowing that if I wanted to call home, talk to my mom, she'd probably be too busy working to come to the phone. And I had no idea who my dad was up until a few months ago.

And now I got Zmey. And although I'll never admit it to the old man, I do appreciate everything that he's been doing for me since the truth came squirming into the light. Abe being my my father and all. Most Dhampirs never really learn who their Moroi parents are, usually their mothers are Dhampirs and their father's just come and go when their done. So from where I stand, I'm actually lucky in that retrospect because, while he's 18 years late, he's still trying to be part of my life. At least as well as someone like he can.

Without meaning to, I seem to have blocked out most of Guardian Richmond's blabbing. I blink back into reality when I realize that we've stopped in front of a large house. I immediately spot wards on the land, typical for a Moroi home. The sun is going to be going to be going down in a few hours. All Moroi inhabitants are most likely still asleep. It's way early for them.

"I'll show you to your room," Richmond says, grabbing out my luggage for me. "I mean, only if you want." He looks away, looking mildly embarrassed. I take my bags from him, smiling apologetically.

"Relax, Richmond, I'm not someone you have to wait on. I'm a Guardian just like you," I say, following him toward the house. We stop on the porch and I take a moment to look around the big yard. The house looks well kept and new. There's a flower bed surrounding the perimeter of the house. All are blooming and groomed with care. It makes me think of Sonya Karpp. How she always took care of flowers.

Definitely the telltale signs of a possible Spirit user. Now, I'm not saying that every time you see patch of flowers, there's a Spirit wielding Moroi nearby, but if she is a Spirit user, she might have a power like Sonya.

"I know, I'm sorry," Richmond says, shifting nervously. "It's just... we've heard of you, Rose Hathaway."

I look over at him and raise an eyebrow. "'We?'"

He gestures toward the door. "Me and the other Guardians. There's two others besides me. Helena and Bobby." He looks a little bashful, avoiding eye contact with me. "You're kind of famous."

I roll my eyes. "I know, tell me about it. I seem to have gallantly made quite the spectacle of myself in my many..." I consider. "Adventures." I grin at him. "Don't worry yourself too much. Like I said, I'm just like the rest of you. Er, I mean, I just get myself into a lot more trouble than the average Guardian, but I assure you, there really isn't anything special or unique about me."

Richmond pulls out some keys to unlock to door, but pauses. "Well, I mean... there is something special about you..."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Richmond smiles lightly. "You are..." he considers something. Like he's looking for the right words. "You were Shadow Kissed. Is that the right word?"

I nod. "Yes, but not anymore."

Richmond turns back and unlocks the door. "And that, Guardian Hathaway, is what makes you so special."


	2. Awareness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: So, I guess this at least takes place after Golden Lily. Dimitri and Sonya are already back home in Court, but other than that, I don't perceive there being much more connection to that series other than perhaps bringing some of the characters back in, but know that it won't have much interaction between the two. Anyway, I'm in love with the response thus far, so keep it up! Let me know what you guys think! Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead, the most brilliant woman in the world.
> 
> Warning: Nothing, except maybe language.
> 
> Word Count: 4,219

Once Richmond, the overly nice but also overly talkative Guardian, lead me to my room, I was free to feel a little bad about what I said that immediately followed. "Thanks, dude, gonna get some alone time for a bit. Cool? Thanks." And then closed the door. I heard him call through the door that he would see me later and then made his way back down the hall.

A single glance around the room shows me the most basic room in the world. A bed, a dresser, a closet, and a window seat. Okay, totally taking that back, the window seat looks kind of awesome. I throw my bags on the bed and walk over to it. I pull open the dark curtains to like the sunlight pour into the room. I sit onto the seat and relish in the feeling of the warm sun on my skin.

I lay my forehead against the window and let out a long breath. Okay, so this wacko researcher is studying Spirit out in the middle of nowhere, Nevada. He's got three Guardians, four now including myself, and a granddaughter who is a Spirit wielder.

I open my eyes and scan the area. There doesn't appear to be any neighbors for for a few yards. We're a little off the beaten path. My mind begins racing with ways to better fortify this place against possible Strigoi attacks. I take in all that I can see on the front half of the house and, after a few minutes of mental debate, I decide that I have to check out the rest of the land just to be safe. I know there are other competent Guardians out there and these three have been protecting two Moroi for who-knows-how-long but I need to see for myself.

Opening up the window, I swing one leg out, straddling the sill before sliding all the way out onto the lower roof. Yeah, I'm sure there's an easy way to do this but the last thing I want is to have people watching me or following me around while I inspect the area. So I use the window to boost me up and climb the rest of the way to the very top of the house.

Even though the house looks new, I have to make sure there is no structural weaknesses on the roof that Strigoi could utilize. Not that they wouldn't be able to just punch a hole straight through anyway, but still. It makes me feel a little bit better. Then I make my way back down to the second floor, before climbing back in through my window. I close it and head to the door and out into the dark hallway. I walk all the way to the end and down the stairs into the living room, make my way through the door to my right and outside.

I close the door as quietly as I can and begin circling the house, making mental notes on where to be careful of in the event of an attack. I note that there are two egress windows, signaling a basement. I make my way around the entire house three times before inspecting the wards. All of it looks good, over all. Which I'm happy to see.

"How was your inspection?"

I turn slightly to see an older man with a jagged scar from his right temple to the corner of his mouth. "It was fine. Are you Guardian Bobby?"

He nods, stepping off the porch to walk over to me. We firmly shake hands. He looks to be around the same age as Abe. "Yes. Bobby Collins. You must be Rose Hathaway."

I nod. "Nice to meet you, Guardian Collins. Sorry, it's not about you guys, it's about me. I'm really anal about this sort of thing." I wave around us, just in case he didn't know what I was referring to.

He nods in understanding. "No offence taken. You're a Guardian from Court. I would be surprised if you did anything less. In fact, I'm surprised that you took this long. So, how is this?"

I take a moment to look around the area again, just making sure I didn't miss anything. Once I am sure that I didn't I turn back. "It looks good. I think you guys are doing a wonderful job. This place looks surprisingly secure. No offence," I say. Flinch, then add, "Again."

For as kind of scary as he looks, Guardian Collins seems very nice. I think I like him already. Without words, the two of us turn and start walking back toward the house. About half way there, I finally turn to Booby. "So what can you tell me about Mr. Kyoshiva. About his research. About his granddaughter." I'm not sure if talking about all of these things are wrong or not.

Bobby stops and turns to me. "It's fine," he says, reading the discomfort on my face. "Gerard, he prefers that over Mr. Kyoshiva, is a little... eccentric. He talks fast and a little disorienting but he's kind and would move heaven and earth for Alina. She's also a sweetheart. She has these moments..."

I nod. "I know all about Spirit users. She has these moments when she's not all there, right?"

He smiles faintly. "Yes, but she's a true darling. Sweetest thing. I've known her since she was a baby. Little angel." His eyes adopt this far away look and the affection is genuine in his eyes. I can see that he cares very deeply for her. I can imagine. I love Lissa so much from just being best friends with her since kindergarden, I can't imagine how much I would love her if I'd known her all of her life. I wonder if I could love someone as unconditionally as that.

"As for his research," Bobby continues, voice falling neutral. This is just Guardian business. It's not something that touches too close to his heart. "I'm not so sure I'm the best one to explain what he does. I'm going to let him explain that to you when he gets up, which will be soon." He looks up at the sky, sunset fast approaching. "Gerard likes to be up early, says it helps his creative juices."

I rise and eyebrow as we continue into the house. "I see. That aside. Where were you?"

"As in, where was I when you were wondering around?" Bobby asks. I nod. "Kitchen. I watched you circle the house a couple times, then the perimeter of the yard. I didn't want to disturb you." I hope my appreciation is conveyed on my face. We both take seats at the plain, large wood table. Bobby gets himself a cup of coffee. "Do you want some?"

I wave my hand. "I'm good."

He sits across from me and we stay like that in silence. I take this time to look around the room. There is a lot of pictures of a beautiful young girl, just a few years older than me. She has long, thick curly blond hair and large, white-blue eyes. There is a lot of her through her life. One where she's finger painting at about five or six. Another of her at her sweet sixteen and another of her, with her long skinny arms around an older man.

He looks to be maybe in his sixties with salt and pepper hair. He's got a big smile on his face, showing off his fangs with eyes the exact same as his granddaughter. They look very close. When I voice this, Bobby turns around and looks at the picture on the wall that I was.

"Yeah, Alina's parents died in a Strigoi attack when she was eight. She's been living with Gerard ever since," he says. He turns back to me and then, as if he felt like I needed an explanation, he adds, "I was part of her parents protection. It was my day off. I..." he closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I shouldn't have... I should have been there. They needed me and I wasn't there." His head hangs a bit and sadness envelopes his face.

"But you showed up and saved me. You should never feel ashamed of that."

Bobby and I both jump slightly and look at the doorway into the kitchen to see Alina. Mussed up blond hair from sleep in a big tee-shirt and silk pajama pants. She looks down at Bobby with a gentle smile.

"Alina, what are you doing up? It's early," says Bobby, standing up and walking over to the skinny Moroi.

She smiles and gently touches his chin like he's fine china. "You saved me." She places a gentle kiss on his cheek. "You were a young man. This was your first assignment and first time dealing with real Strigoi. You killed three Strigoi to get to me. Thank you again."

Their connection is so cute. It's obvious that they have a strong bond. I'm actually a little jealous of their bond. With years and different lifestyles separating them, they still have such a powerful connection. It makes me think of the bond I have with Dimitri. How he and I just seem to click regardless of how different the two of us were and the thought alone makes me smile. Something about it seems so... pure.

"I really like Bobby," Alina says to me. I blink and stare back.

"O-Oh?" I say, eyebrows raised. "I didn't say anything."

She smiles. "I know. But you thought it."

"What are you, Charles Xavier now?" As soon as the words leave my mouth I can't contain my surprise. "You can read minds?"

Her smile widens even more. She steps passed Bobby and walks to the coffee pot, getting herself a cup. She holds it cupped in her hands, absorbing the warmth from the mug. She sips from it, humming softly under her breath with a content smile on her lips. "Mm. I love the brew you use, Bobby." She takes one more sip before looking back at me. The fading light casting a shadow over her blue eyes. "Yes. It's part of my gift from Spirit."

My jaw drops. "No shit. Okay, what am I thinking about right now?" I picture Court.

"Court," she says.

"And now?" I think about roses.

She smiles. "Roses." She takes another sip. "And now your thinking about another Spirit user. Sonya Karp." I can't stop the grin spreading across my face. Alina looks amused. "And now you are thinking about a shirtless man. Oh!" Her eyes widen and then she giggles. "He is handsome."

I laugh. "It's my boyfriend, Dimitri."

Alina laughs too, shaking her head. "He is adorable. Oh, and Russian. And a very handsome Dhampir." She steps over to me and offers her hand. "I'm Alina Kyoshiva. It's so nice to meet you."

I take it, it feels dainty and thin in my own. I feel like after spending so much time with Moroi I should be comfortable with dealing with people so tiny, but it feels a little weird. Maybe I'm so used to Lissa that Alina's tinier hands are hard to believe. She smiles at my thoughts... I think.

"Rose Hathaway, pleasure is all mine," I greet back. She sits herself down next to Bobby across from me.

"It's so exciting that you're here to see what granddad has discovered," she says, sipping her coffee. She stares down into her cup. "It's just sad. Granddad works so hard and it's about time people finally at least see what's going on with him."

I drum my fingers against the wood on the table. "Yeah. Sorry about that. So, Lissa, I mean, Queen Vasilisa, wanted me to take a peak at what your old man's got and if he's got something, we might move him to Court to continue. At least there there are two more Spirit users. Would be three but one of them, Adrian, is out slumming somewhere."

Alina perks up. "Granddad may be able to continue his studies at Court? Is that really the truth?" She looks at me eagerly.

I nod. "But lets see if this guy's got something. We'll see."

Alina reaches out and grabs my hand tightly in her two tiny ones. "You will not be disappointed, Guardian Hathaway."

"Just Rose," I say. "People call out Guardian Hathaway and I go running for the hills to avoid my mom." Alina laughs. It's a soft, musical sound. I'm starting to think all Moroi -and Dimitri, strangely enough- have musical, wonderful laughs. And then when I laugh it sounds like two midgets in a brawl.

Alina's laugh grows in intensity, she throws her head back and the music continues for a few minutes more. Bobby looks between us, confused but Alina shakes her head at him. "Don't ask. It was hilarious." She jerks her head slightly to the left and before I can say anything or react, she says. "Granddad is up."

"You're here!"

I look up over Bobby's head to see a tall Moroi man, slightly hunched from age, comes galloping into the room and seizes me by the shoulders. It takes all of my willpower not to nail him in the nose with the heel of my hand. I take a few breaths before relaxing my muscles, reminding myself that this is a sweet little Moroi man, not a Strigoi.

"Mr. Kyo-" I start but he shakes his head quickly.

"Gerard, my dear. Please, call me Gerard! I'm so excited to meet you!" His blue eyes brighten, like I'm some kind of sweet candy dangling in front of his face. "When I heard that the Court was going to send someone to hear what I have to say, I was so excited! But then when they told me that they were sending the personal Guardian of Queen Vasilisa, I was so happy! I was hoping it would be you and here you are! Rosemarie Hathaway! Here, in my kitchen!" He looks over at Alina and Bobby. He takes back one hand and waves it toward me like they can't see me. "Can you believe it? Here!"

Alina smiles gently. "Yes, Granddad. I see her. It is wonderful that she's here." For a moment I wonder if she's going to tell him about the possibility of moving to Court but she doesn't. Just smiles at her grandfather, saintly. Looking at Bobby, I see a similar smile, giving me the impression that that's probably one of the best ways to deal with Gerard.

"My name is Rose Hathaway," I say, wondering if I should try to shake his hand or if I wont get that back either. One of his hands are still tightly gripping my arm. Deciding that I don't want to risk it, I just wave my hand instead.

Gerard's blue eyes fly back to my face, like he forgot that I was there. Then they light up again in excitement. "Oh! Come with me, Ms. Hathaway!" He starts tugging me toward the door.

"Granddad, maybe we should have breakfast first," Alina says.

"No time for that, child!" Gerard calls. "We have very little time to waste! Time for food comes later!" He laughs and leads me down the hall a bit before opening one of the doors opposite the staircase and clicks on the light showing the way to the basement. I take a moment to breathe before following him into the darkness. I turn just once to see that Alina is following us.

"Bobby is going to wait upstairs," she tells me. "He doesn't like the confined space of the basement."

I turn back around and press my lips tight together. "I feel him." The basement isn't small. It's completely finished with four rooms. All carpeted with the exception to the bathroom which is tiled. A large room at the bottom of the stairs that is a wreck room with a couch and big flat screen t.v and a mini bar. A bathroom right across from the stairs and one door on both sides of the room opposite of one another. One leads to the human feeder that lives with them and the other is Gerard's study.

It's a decent size. Big enough to comfortably fit a desk, bookcase, pacing room and one of the two egress windows. I'm betting the other is in the feeder's room. Gerard bustles around the room moving stuff around and collecting papers. I stand in the doorway and watch him go about the room in silence. Alina stands by my side, leaning against the door frame.

Gerard spins around. "Everyone is different!"

Alina and I both jump. I take a bit of comfort knowing that she didn't expect that either. I cross my arms over my chest. "Okay?"

He walks back over to me and I wonder if he's going to grab me again, but thankfully he doesn't. "Just like people, each Spirit user is different. They can all do certain things but there is usually one that they excel at. That doesn't happen with any of the other elemental users. Just them! Why is that? Why is Spirit so rare in comparison to all other elements? Why is that? The Spirit users can do all sorts of cool things such as healing people and super compel and read minds, as my beautiful Alina has shown," he says proudly, smiling at his granddaughter.

"Spirit users," I start, "are also capable of charming things, like bracelets and stuff. And then they are also able to..." I think about the proper word for it. "...um... interact with other people's dreams. Oh, and they can see auras." Gerard makes a weird squawking noise. I make a face at that. "What the h-"

This time he actually grabs my hands tightly in his own. "You have to tell me everything about these! They can charm anything? Like a lamp or a chair? Or is it just small things like bracelets or earrings? And these dreams! What can they do in these dreams? Do you mean they can control them all themselves or can they all just interact with the other person's dream? And being able to see auras?"

I blink rapidly. Just like Richmond, which I have to imagine he got it from Gerard, they both remind me of Natalie and her constant blabbering. Or, her what used to be constant. I force down the sadness creeping up my throat.

"Uh..." I say dumbly, trying to remember any of the questions. "Uhh... yes?"

Gerard squawks again, throwing his hands into the air. I flinch, making a face. Those aren't human noises he's making and no one but me seems to think there is anything wrong with what just happened so I don't make a scene. In fact, a quick glance at Alina makes me think this is something he does a lot and became part of his charm.

"Why is that?" He shrieks.

"I don't know!" I shriek back.

"Granddad," Alina says, reaching out and laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. She squeezes it with a crinkly eyed smile. "Remember. One question at a time, okay? People can't understand you when he ask questions like that in rapid succession."

"Right, right," Gerard says, looking around rapidly. He takes Alina's hand off his shoulder and squeezes it tightly. He looks back over at me. "Mmm... enchanting. To what extent can they do that?"

And with that, I began to tell him everything and anything I could about Spirit. Gerard made it seem like everything I said was so important, like life and death. After I was finished I could practically see his mind whirling. His eyes are moving around sporadically, absorbing this information like a sponge. He mumbles something under his breath before spinning around and walking over to his desk. He takes a couple of minutes to scribble down everything he's heard.

"So," I say after about four minutes of silence, "anything interesting about Spirit that I haven't mentioned?"

Gerard nods briskly. "There is no blood connection. Just because a mother or a father is a Spirit user, doesn't mean that their children will. If you want to think of it, it's a kind of a genetic abnormality. I believe that there wasn't always a Spirit. That it's some kind of mutation from one or all of the elements. It is theorized that old Moroi used to have more than one designated element but over the years the ability limited itself to just one." He starts pacing around the room, mumbling something even my advanced hearing couldn't pick.

I nod slowly, raising my eyebrows. "Okay... that's cool." I mean, that's interesting, but not really my idea of something overly interesting. Maybe it would be to someone else, but to me... well, this just reminds me why I didn't pay much attention in class.

"Tell me," Gerard says, "is it true that people who are Moroi/Dhampir-turned-Strigoi-turned-back-to- Moroi/Dhampir can't be turned back into Strigoi?"

I shrug a single shoulder, leaning up against the door frame. "Yes, as far as our information has told us. We only have theories, no concrete answers."

Gerard nods very slowly, eyes twinkling with intrigue. "Interesting. So, back to the powers of the Spirit users: Do you know why there is such diversity in the Spirit?"

From the look he's giving me, I'm not sure if he wants me to answer that or if this pause is for dramatic effect. After an entire minute of him just staring at me, slowly rubbing his hands together in anticipation, I finally say, "No."

"I think," he pauses, and this one for dramatic effect, I'm sure of it, "that it corresponds with personalities." He raises his eyebrows at me in a look that clearly stated: I'm a genius. Maybe he saw that he was losing me, because he quickly added, "think about it, Alina has always been very perceptive about what the people around her are thinking and feeling. When she finally got her powers, she was able to read minds." That look of his returned.

That made me think about Lissa. Always so compassionate and caring. She's always loved to look after people, take care of them. Her ethics would never have allowed her to sit by and watch someone or something suffer in front of her eyes. And then that made me think of Adrian, who, depending on who you ask, could be considered... "dreamy." I whisper under my breath, mentally laughing at how witty I am. I grin.

"Okay," I concede, giving him a level look. "That makes sense. But have you ever thought that perhaps their personality correspond with what their powers will be? Not the other way around. Like her personality doesn't make the spirit, the spirit makes the personality?" As soon as the words left my mouth I felt sickened by them. The very thought of Spirit ever making Lissa the amazing person that she is just can't be true. She's an amazing person because she's Lissa. Not because she has Spirit.

But Gerard looks to be completely awestruck by the mere idea, but then a little down. "There is no way to prove either way. But the idea that they somehow go along with personality still sounds plausible, yes?" He nods at me, eyes wide like a doe's.

I nod, having nothing to contradict that. "Yes. That does sound like a possibility." He beams at me again.

"Thank you, Shadow-kissed Rose," he says kindly, reaching out and patting my arm in a very grandfatherly way.

"I'm not Shadow-kissed anymore, Gerard," I tell him.

This time Alina spoke, surprising me a little because I forgot she was here. "How do you know that?" At my questioning look, she elaborates. "How do you know that you are no longer Shadow-kissed?" She tilts her head slightly to the left. Her eyes are half lidded.

"My bond with Lissa is gone," I say, my voice slightly sharper than I would have liked it. But Alina doesn't seem effected by it. "I don't feel it anymore."

Alina's eyes adapt that look that I've come to associate with Adrian's dazed looks. "Just because you don't feel it anymore, Shadow-kissed Rose, doesn't mean it's no longer there."


	3. Finding Spirit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: A little shorter than I would like but it was a good place to end. So let me know what everyone thinks. I love to read the comments! :D Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead, the most brilliant woman in the world.
> 
> Warning: Nothing, except maybe language.
> 
> Word Count: 4,711

Alina didn't elaborate any more on it and decided to just leave me with that. I spent the rest of the day, with Gerard, who even if I didn't even slightly speak to, could talk nonstop about anything and everything. He has lots of good theories and has done a lot of in depth research and he's even studied St. Vladamire and Shadow-kissed Anna. I got to meet Helena, a tired, older woman who's been with Gerard since the beginning of time, and we eat together. They're more like family than like Guardians and Moroi.

I called Dimitri that night, knowing how naughty that Lissa is, she would make sure she was back before it go too late. He hand I talked for hours.

"So, it's good there? Quiet?" Dimitri asks after a while.

I lay back onto the bed and put one arm over my eyes. My back burns from sitting around in an uncomfortable chair all day listening to Gerard go on and on about his studies on Spirit. "Yeah. It's cute. Everyone here is nice and they seem very comfortable around each other. Like... one big happy family. Oh, so they have this feeder named Joshua, he's a strapping young man with a six pack and a sexy voice." I say, then laugh.

Dimitri makes a disgruntled noise on the other end of the phone. "I bet, and exactly what about his voice is so..." he clears his throat. "'Sexy'?"

A small, girly (although I'll never admit that it is to anyone) giggle escapes me. "Well, you see, he takes breathlessly, like he's always..." A grin crosses my face. "Ready for anything or... anyone." I throw my head back and laugh loudly. I am so not good at being flirty and I think almost every time I've make Dimitri jealous it's either been on accident or in the heat of the moment. I'm not so good at things like this.

"Come now, Rose," Dimirti says calmly, but I can hear the smile in his voice. Clever bastard knows he's the only one for me.

"Dimitri," I sigh dreamily, grinning a little wider when I hear him chuckle softly.

"Roza," he murmurs.

"Dimka," I say back in my best imitation of a Russian accent. He huffs out amused.

"Wild Girl."

"Comrade." I grin. "Trust me, I have way more creative and provocative things that I can call you." He huffs out again in amusement. "But seriously, there was something interesting that happened."

Amusement mode turned off immediately for Dimitri and is replaced with his normal seriousness. "What is it?"

"Calm down, Dimitri," I say. "It's just the granddaughter of Gerard Kyoshiva-"

"So you found out what his name was?"

"Yes, now shut up. So, the granddaughter, Alina is her name, is a Spirit user and she just left me with this really cryptic message." After a moment of quiet breathing on his side, I figured that was my cue to continue. "Gerard kept calling me Shadow-kissed and after a few long minutes of me insisting, quite nicely, I might add, that I no longer was, she was all like, 'are you sure you are no longer Shadow-kissed? Just because you don't feel it anymore doesn't mean it's not there'. Like some kind of Spirit knowing fortune cookie." A moment's pause, I add, "We were talking about the bond. By the way."

"Yeah, I got that," Dimitri says in what sounds like sarcasm. But before I can crack a joke about that he goes on to ask, "Is there a chance that you are still Shadow-kissed and you just don't know it? Like you have to put in more concentration than before or something?"

I open my mouth with the full intention of telling exactly what he should be concentrating on when the thought actually stopped me. Was there a chance that I was still Shadow-kissed but just not in the way I was originally with Lissa? I mean, I never went into an in-depth conversation with Mark and Oksana about their bond and didn't really have the opportunity to talk to Avery, Simon and Reed about their demonic possession when they were trying to kill Lissa. Adrian is still kinda mad at me so I wouldn't dream of asking him. Maybe Jill, but I'm sure Adrian will get upset and it would be cruel to put Jill in the middle of it.

Maybe all Shadow-kissed bonds are different somehow. Maybe it was weakened when I wasn't healed with Spirit after I was shot, but not destroyed or erased all together. But how can I test that? I cross my ankles and stare at the ceiling.

"I didn't have to concentrate before, Dimitri," I sigh. "It was just there. I could just feel her." I roughly rub my eyes. "I don't know, comrade. I don't know if I can suddenly feel for something..."

It's quiet for a moment. "Rose? Did you just think of something?"

I sit up and stare out the window, trying to organize my thoughts. At the beginning of our bond Lissa and I had no control of what went through the bond. She wasn't able to prevent me from seeing and hearing and feeling anything that she did. I wasn't able to stop myself from feeling, hearing and seeing any of that either. After a few years I began to close the tunnel on my side, ignore what was filtering in through her side and then nearing the end, she began to be able to do the same, stop anything from being revealed.

Could this be another of those things? Could we both have somehow become numb to the bond? And it just so happens to correspond with when Tasha Ozera went coo-coo bananas and shot me? Could it be coincidence?

"Rose?" Dimitri calls out softly, like he's worried of disrupting my thought process, but I'm not sure where else to go. "Are you there, Roza?"

"I'm here, Dimitri," I sigh, lowering myself back into the bed. "I just don't know what to do."

"What are you thinking?" He asks softly. I smile a little at the sound. A year ago, I'd never have imagined that this would be my life. I would be able to protect my best friend and have the sexiest boyfriend all in one fell swoop. After school, life was just suppose to be about killing Strigoi that were going after Princess Lissa. Now, I'm killing Strigoi trying to kill Queen Vasilisa Dragomir.

I pull back from my daydream. "I'm not sure. I think I need to sleep on it."

"Then I'll let you do that," Dimitri says. "I have an early shift in the morning, anyway. Goodnight, Roza."

I smile lightly. I love it when he calls me that. "Thanks. Goodnight to you too, Dimitri. I love you, comrade."

"I love you too, Roza."

After he hung up, I spent the majority of the night staring at the ceiling, thinking about this Shadow-kissed thing. It's been a decent amount of time since our bond broke and I've never had even the slightest inkling that it might still be there.

But even though I've rationalized it over and over in my brain for hours, why won't it sink in? It's like I'm staring at a blank, white wall waiting for it to transform into something else. Something other than a boring wall. Like a dancing kangaroo or something. But the longer I stare, the more my head starts to hurt and harder it gets to pull my eyes away. Finally, exhaustion dropped me into a deep and dreamless slumber.

It's weird being on somewhat protection detail and not have anything to do. The three Guardians work in such synchronicity that only years of doing it can engrain into routine. After only three days of being there, I began to feel the familial connection. They welcomed me with open arms and I got more than my fair share of creepy messages from both Alina and Gerard.

Although I did get a sorta explanation from Alina about her strange words about me still being Shadow-kissed. She said, "I mean that there are very few cases about Shadow-kissed and thus far, you are the only one that has ever been un-Shadow-kissed. That's all I'm saying." The she shrugged a thin shoulder and walked out the door to go to work. Helena, who also works with her, follows after.

Normally, such a shift would be so horrible for a human, but for Moroi and Dhampir on a Moroi schedule is practically perfect. It's basically a great time for them as an eight-to-five would be to a normal, every day human.

"Rose, light of my life," Joshua says, dropping into the seat next to me at the table. I look over to see, as per usual, he's in shorts. Just shorts. Showing off his dark, sun kissed flesh and pronounced six pack. He smiles a dazzling pearly toothed smile. "That top looks great on you. Shows off how well... endowed you are."

"Josh, pain in my ass," I say, reaching out and stroking his cheek. "To what do I once again owe this sexual harassment?"

Richmond, who is making lunch for Gerard, lets out a light laugh. He looks over his shoulder and smiles sheepishly. "Sorry, Joshua."

He waves away the apology, eyes still locked onto me. "Don't worry, Kyle. Now, Rose, what about me isn't so appealing to you?" He makes a gesture towards his body, like I'm not a healthy teenage girl and not seeing the on-display boy body in front of me. For his sake, I give him a once over before looking back up into his eyes.

"You're a little too short for my tastes and a little more... American than what I'd like." I tilt my head and reach out to pluck a strand of his fluffy blond hair. "I like my boy's having dark hair, and eyes." I look into his green. I grin. "And I'm sure that's just the way my boyfriend likes me to like, too."

"You're breaking my heart, Rose," he says, putting a hand over his chest as if to add dramatic effect.

I shake my head. I stand up and walk over to Richmond and take the tray of food from him.

"Oh no, I can do it," he says, reluctant to hand the tray over.

I take it anyway and smile tightly. "If I don't do something around here, I may end up doing something I'll regret."

"Oh goodie," Joshua jokes.

"Something, not someone," I say back sharply, grinning when I hear his groan. And him mutter more about me breaking his heart. I roll my eyes. His hearts not the only thing I'll break if he doesn't get the picture soon. I mean, I like him, but ever since I got with Dimitri, no one has a slight chance with me anymore. He's everything I've wanted. Want. So now, it's just a little boring dealing with other boys. It's still a little fun to get those jealous, displeased looks from Dimitri, but I would never even consider being with anyone else.

"Congratulations, comrade, you ruined boys for me," I mumble, shaking my head. Boys are no longer enough. Not even men are really enough. Just Dimitri.

"Pardon?" Richmond says, reluctantly handing me the tray.

I wave him away. "Nothing. Just talking to myself." I head down into the basement and into Gerard's study, walking past Bobby who was standing guard at the doorway. As per usual, he's hunched over his desk looking through more books he had delivered last (Vampire) night. I place the tray next to him and he mumbles a distracted "Thank you, dearie" before continuing to read.

Right as I'm just out the door Gerard spins around in his chair and calls out to me. "Rosemarie, darling, can I have you try something for me?"

"It's Rose, Gerard," I say turning back around to see the old man. "But sure. What do you need from me?"

"I've been thinking a lot about your connection to Queen Vasilisa and the lack of being able to feel such a connection and began to think to myself. What if the connection is still there but not as strong or as present as it was in its infantile stage? So, what I was thinking was that instead of relying on it just being there, why don't you mentally try and draw it out?" Gerard asks, eyebrows raised.

"So, instead of just assuming it's not there because I can't feel it, I should search for it?" I clarify. He nods. I shrug. "Sure, why not? It's not like I have any plans for today. Time for my zen meditation, god, Dimitri would be so proud of me." I shake my head and lower myself to the floor next to the open doorway and after a moment of consideration, I cross my legs and put my thumb and forefinger together.

I even hesitate a moment, considering on going the extra mile and humming out, "Ohhummm.." but I'm not sure if Gerard would find that disrespectful or not, so I decide against it. So I sit in silence and wing it. I listen to the sound of Gerard shuffling papers and flipping through books. I can hear Richmond and Joshua walking around and I can hear them talking. I can't make out any words but I can hear their voices. They laugh about something.

I try to block them out and instead fill my mind with Lissa. I imagine her face, her laugh, her voice. I think about the way her nose crinkles up when she smiles broadly and the way she claps her hands together when she's talking about something she's really excited about. I think back to when we were in Kindergarden and how she always wore her hair in these two pigtails. And now, at eighteen, she's the Queen of the Moroi. So beautiful and elegant. My best friend and made something truly amazing with her life.

Shifting slightly, I try to remember that feeling that the bond filled me with. The connection with Lissa that was so different from anything that I had ever felt before. It's like, more often than not, we weren't just Rose and Lissa but some kind of Rose-Lissa hybrid. I could feel everything she felt and see life through her eyes. She wasn't just my best friend. She was like another part of me. When I couldn't deal with my life, I'd just take a moment to hop into hers. I know she didn't get the same treatment, but in some ways, it made our relationship stronger.

I mean, I guess it would have had to, considering I was seeing into her mind. But it just made it easier for us to communicate without any words. Well, I could look into her mind, but it's like the more I did that, the easier it got for her to read me when we were face to face. Plus, I mean, come on, unless she was trying to keep me out, I would know where she was 24-7.

Like when she was kidnapped by Victor Dashkov or was being attacked by that bitch Avery. I mean, I couldn't physically help her against Avery but I did what I could and I'd like to say that it was something in the long run.

I shake my head, forcing those thoughts away. That's not what I'm suppose to be focusing on. I try and feel for the bond through memory. I try to pull back all the feelings and try to mentally recreate the bond. I think about Lissa. Try to envision her mind with my. Recreate the connection that she and I shared. I imagine a tangible thread connecting me, in Gerard's basement, to Lissa all the way in Court.

Focusing all my strength into mentally creating this bond with my long time best friend. I feel a sweat build up on my brow and the burn of all of straining muscles. I stop breathing and try as hard as I can to make this mental connection to my friend. I try and grasp the feeling that Lissa is filled with when she uses Spirit. I try and use that as the foundation of our connection.

The nausea hits me so hard I tip over and hit my shoulder on the floor. My muscles all burn and I breath out heavily. I'm left a twitching mess on the floor. I open my eyes and am met with blurry vision. I blink it clear and see Gerard, still hunched over his desk, but by the blanket draped over his shoulders, I'd assume he's asleep. I look around the darkened study for Bobby but don't see him. That's when I notice the television on in the next room.

I slowly sit up and freeze. The nausea still heavy in my chest. I bring a hand up and clutched the front of my shirt. I breath in heavily, trying to calm my racing heart, to settle the sickness in my gut. Then, I stop. I stop breathing. Stop moving. Stop thinking. I just focus on the nausea as it slowly crawls up my throat and settles just behind my tongue.

I jump to my feet, immediately regretting it, but force the wooziness down. I walk out the room to see Bobby dozing off on the couch. I harshly shake his shoulder. He flinches, jumping to his feet. He opens his mouth but most have see the dark look on my face because his turns from surprise and confusion to grim determination. He reaches into his coat and pulls out one of his stakes.

He makes a gesture toward Gerard's room and I nod. He makes his way back in there while I follow my gut and it leads me to Joshua's room. I arm myself with my own stake and with my free hand, open the door. I scan the room, my eyes landing on the egress window, and the fact that it's wide open.

I open my mouth to shout a warning when something slams into me from the side, throwing me against Joshua's dresser. I grab hold of it and use it to keep myself on my feet. I twist around and feel my stomach drop into the soles of my feet as a red eyed Strigoi woman stares back at me. A cruel smile curving across her face.

"It's you..." she says, eyes widening like I'm some kind of delicious treat. I probably am.

"Yeah," I say, straightening up, gripping the stake in my hand tightly. "I'm me." With that I jump at the Strigoi but she easily evades, swiping at my face, barely missing and knocking my shoulder. I twist around weird before gaining my footing and making another strike. She would have been able to avoid it, if her foot hadn't slipped on what appeared to be a dirty magazine.

She grabs hold of the footboard of Joshua's bed, bending over it slightly, giving me enough time to plunge the stake into her heart. She tenses up, her body going rigid before crumpling to the floor like a sack of potatoes. I don't waste any time, I turn around and head out the door. I quickly check Gerard's study, happy to see that Bobby already got him out.

I dart up the stairs and come to a screeching halt, I feel the blood drain from my face as Kyle Richmond stares back at me with vacant eyes, neck twisted at an awkward angle. I have to look away a moment when I hear the sound of Joshua yelping a floor above us. I quickly scoop up his stake left limply in his hand. He must have tried to use it but was caught off guard by another Strigoi. Probably the one going after Joshua now.

Armed with both stakes, I race for the stairs. The first two rooms I check are empty, but the one at the end of the hall, Alina's room, it appears, is the jackpot. I find Joshua inside, backed up against a wall with another female Strigoi slowly closing in on him.

"Come on, handsome. You let Moroi drink from you, why is this any different?" she purrs, tilting her head slightly, running her hand over the side of his face, touching the bite marks on his neck. Joshua presses himself tighter against the wall, eyes wide in terror.

I try to sneak up behind her, but Josh's eyes fly over to me and he yelps out my name. I could have smacked the shit out of him but the Strigoi is on me in a matter of seconds. She manages to get the stake from my right hand to fall to the floor and kick it across the room and into the hall. I land a kick on her knee and she staggers back.

"Get the hell out of here!" I yell at Joshua. He hesitates for just a moment before obeying. Jumping over Alina's purple comforter, he dashes out of the room.

I make to strike her in the heart but she moves out of the way. She grabs me by my arm and tosses me toward the window. It cracks beneath the force, creating a spiderweb across the surface. I stagger a bit, trying to ease the pain in my back. But she's on me again in just moments, teeth snapping at me. The window cracks a bit more against hers and my own combined weight.

I stick the stake between us, grazing her bare shoulder. She throws herself back, hissing in pain. I take that time to follow after her, I strike at her again with the stake, but I don't have enough strength behind it to pierce her heart. She screams in pain, ripping the stake out and tossing it into one of the corners. I dodge around her toward the stake in the hall.

My fingers just wrap around it when she grabs my shoulders and spins me around. I use the momentum to plunge the stake deep into her chest. Her eyes widen and she convulses for a moment before falling limp. Her body hits the floor with a loud thump. I rip the stake out of her and then head back into the room, finding the other stake by Alina's dresser next to the window. I spot a picture of Alina with her arms around both Gerard and Bobby. A huge, jubilant smile on her face. I see something in the corner of my eye move before I feel it.

Another Strigoi, yet another woman, this one the only blond thus far football tackles me and the two of us bust through the window and onto the small secondary roof under the window. We slide down to the end of the roof, her hovering over me, hissing when the two stakes in my hands brush up against her arms. She jerks back a bit and I use that to but my legs in between the two of us. She's either human or Dhampir but she's tiny. I can easily vault her over me off the roof. She yelps loudly a moment before a loud thump.

I roll over, feeling glass press into my hands and face. I stagger to my feet, feeling weak and dazed. I think I hit my head. The broken glass crunches beneath the boots Lissa bought me. I almost fall over but I manage to steady myself and glance down below to see the Strigoi laying in the grass. Her neck broken. But that won't keep her down for long.

I steel myself and jump from the roof, hitting the ground hard and force myself to roll but that doesn't stop the shooting pain up my leg. I don't waste any time, I spin around and quickly plunge the stake into her heart through her back. Her body twitches a bit before falling still. I fall onto my back, my world spinning a lot faster than I would like. Turning my head a bit, I see the world starting to light up a bit. The sun is going to be up soon.

I drink in the cool night air, feeling it chill the sweat on my brow and limbs. But no rest for me. I climb to my feet, hissing when I put weight on my left leg. I limp to the driveway where Gerard's car, the same one that Richmond used to pick me up, usually was. It's gone and I let out a sigh of relief, that means Bobby was able to get Gerard out of there in the chaos. Hopefully, Joshua got out and ran for the hills. At least if he was smart he would have.

"You killed my girls, Dhampir."

I spin around to see, standing in the doorway to the house, a male Strigoi standing there. His lips curved into a malicious smile. A small, human woman-burnet- standing behind him. Her brown eyes wide.

"Shit," I curse under my breath looking around and seeing, conveniently, I left my stakes over by the dead blond Strigoi. One stuck in her back and other from where I fell next to her.

He smiles a little more. "But you're pretty enough to replace any of those girls," he purrs.

I take a risk, breaking into a hobbling run toward the stake but he makes it there before me, smacking me hard across the face. I stumble back, landing on my bad foot and then, with a yelp of pain, crumple to the floor in agony. I start to scoot back, vision blurry with pain. My breath is coming out ragged. What used to be cold air is now burning my lungs.

He straddles me, pushing my shoulders down into the grass, my head hitting the cement of the driveway, making me cringe. He runs a hand through my hair, not minding when his hand gets caught in some of the tangles.

"Such beautiful hair. I've been watching you for a while, Ms. Hathaway, and I have to say..." he leans forward, sniffing my neck longingly, "you are very, very beautiful."

I struggle but he's able to hold me down easily. He tilts his head curiously. And then he smiles. It's a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Rosemarie Hathaway, so beautiful," he leans down and kisses my neck, holding me in place when I try to shuck him off. "You know what would make you look even more beautiful?" he asks, pulling away to look down into my eyes with his sickeningly red ones. When I spit on him he snarls a little and back hands me before turning me back to face him. My head is spinning.

It feels like that last hit really rattled my brain. I'm seeing double and two of the same little burnet human makes her way over to me, eyes wide and innocent and filled with sick curiosity.

"What?" I croak, focusing in on the loving look the Strigoi man is giving me, turning my head away from his caresses.

"If those beautiful brown eyes shone red."


	4. Awaken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Wow, I am in love with the hype that this story is starting to get. Your reviews and favorites are fueling the fire that I'm currently riding on and I love it! Thanks so much! Especially Luce Elena because of your comment I got really fired up. Thank you so very much! I hope I continue to provide a good story for you guys. I kinda like this chapter so I hope you all do too! I hope I caught Strigoi-Rose correctly. You may think it's a little weird, but there is a reason for it! Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead, the most brilliant woman in the world.
> 
> Warning: Nothing, except maybe language.
> 
> Word Count: 5,001

I guess not-so-surprising thoughts turned to Dimitri. Is this how he felt? Heart racing, stomach settling so far down it feels like it's going to drop out of my body, muscles aching, mouth full of cotton and I can't swallow. It's like there's a block of lead stuck in my throat. Did he feel alone? Scared? Worried about loved ones like I am? Did he think about me before he was turned much like I'm thinking about him.

In my minds eye, all I can see is the people I love. Lissa, Christian, mom, Zmey (yes, him), Adrian, Sydney, Jill, Sonya, Dimitri and so many more. Yes, especially Dimitri. And Lissa. All of them, I guess. In may different ways, all of them shine a light on my life. There are things that annoy me to no end about them and then there are things about them that make everything worth it. But all in all, I wouldn't trade any of my precious people for the world.

Did Dimitri think about this? Did he think about his family? About Viktoria? Olena? Sonja? Karolina? Paul and Zoya? Coo-coo grandma Yeva? Did he think about me? About how our life could have been if we were given different circumstances?

Then my mind shifts somewhere I don't expect. Back to Gerard's study. Sitting on the floor next to the door. Making that mental connection to Lissa. I could feel it. Feel it flowing through me. Building a bridge between me and Lissa.

I could feel Spirit.

At least, I think I did. That nausea I felt was akin to the nausea that I felt when I was near Strigoi as Shadow-kissed. But now it's gone and I'm surrounded by blackness. I think... I think that male Strigoi knocked me out. Or perhaps I'm only slightly conscious. Is that why I can think? And remember it? Or am I dreaming? Oh please, let this entire day of been a dream. A nightmare even!

Please don't let me turn into a Strigoi. And if that can't be done...

Let me never see those precious people again. Let me never be given the opportunity to hurt them.

"Wake up, Beautiful." I feel something cold hit my face. I jerk a little to get away but something uncomfortable, and even a little painful, pulls at my arms. I try to wiggle my fingers but they feel like they are moving through mud. It's so hard to move them. Like there's no blood flowing to them. My heart is racing, pumping hard to push blood throughout my entire body.

I open my eyes and squint in the dim light. There is a few lit candles around the room casting long shadows against the walls. I see a figure standing in front of me. The light dancing off of his face. Red eyes glowing in the darkness. Movement catches my sight. He's holding a bowl of something. Water. He holds it up to my lips and tips it back slightly. I drink thirstily.

The man watches saintly with a cold smile on his face until I'm done.

"Am I... turned?" I ask, hanging my head a little in exhaustion.

He laughs, a horrible, chilling sound like nails on a chalk board. I flinch a little at the sound. My mind traveling back to the the first time I was put into this predicament. With Mason and Eddie, Christian and Mia. All of them. All of us.

"No, my beauty. You are not. Not yet at least," he says. He runs a hand over the side of my face and I try to jerk away but I'm too weak. My stomach growls. I wonder how long I've been out.

"How long have I been," I look around the dark room. There are no distinguishing features about this dark room. "...here?"

"Three days," he says softly, still stroking the side of my face. "You've been slipping in and out of consciousness." He makes a little whining noise. "Are you okay, Beautiful? Looks like my girls had put up a little more of fight than I thought." He twirls a strand of my hair and it tickles my scalp. "You've been in and out for the last couple of hours. This is most conscious you've been."

He presses a chaste kiss to my forehead and I'm too weak to fully jerk away. But I give it my best try, which only makes him laugh with chilling softness. He places a gentle kiss on my temple and I gag a little.

"Who... are you?" I mumble, lifting my head to look back into his nasty red eyes.

He places feather light kisses along my jaw and I push myself as far away from him as possible but with being hung from the ceiling from my arms, my feet barely brush against the floor making trying to get away from him a little hard.

"My name, my sweet, is Mattias. And you, are Rosemarie Hathaway."

I pull away a little more from him. "How do you... know who I am...?"

He smiles. "Lots of Strigoi are talking about you, love. Killing Strigoi at such a young age. Being Shadow-kissed? Being one of the first to start turning our kind back into... them. Yeah, I know all about you. Heard all about you." He kisses my chin and I turn my head away. He doesn't seem perturbed. "But they never said that you would be this beautiful."

"What do you... want from me...?" I slur, shaking my head. I blink rapidly in the dim light trying to see Mattias in the darkness.

He grins. "I want to see if a Shadow-kissed can become a Strigoi." I open my mouth to do... I'm not sure. Scream? Curse him out? Aim a kick to his boys? Perhaps all of the above? I don't know but before I could, his teeth glisten in the dim light and then pierce my neck. First there is the subtle jolt of pain that is immediately replaced with a guiltily familiar pleasure. And once again my mind travels back to Dimitri.

He's here with me. He's the one who has got his hands all over me. He's the one who I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with. Not this guy. Not this Strigoi asshole. Not this Mattias guy.

I moan lightly and I feel shame. Well, maybe not really. Maybe I just think I should feel shame. And I do think I should. But I'm not sure if I actually feel it. I know I should be repulsed by what is happening. Perhaps I should even be struggling, cursing Mattias' name to all the gods. But I'm not. I can't. This just feels so good.

And the still semi-conscious part of my brain hates me for feeling good. Like somehow I should be above the endorphins that a vampires fangs send coursing through my veins. But I'm not.

And I hate it. I should be stronger. I'm Rose Hathaway.

The flicker of the candles just get lighter and lighter until I'm completely enveloped in darkness. All the soreness in my body fades. Even the rapid beating of my heart has slowed down. A bliss filled darkness, shrouded in a chill of death.

And then everything stopped.

My hunger is what awoke me. But instead of being strung up from the ceiling like a sack of raw cow hide, I'm in a nice comfy bed. But I'm curled up on my side, knees to my chest. My stomach is grumbling loudly. I'm laying as I did when I was younger, curled on my side in order to try and ease the tension on my rumbling belly. I'm hungry and thirsty. I'm parched and famished.

I curl a little bit more tightly, moaning in pain. I feel like a newborn, unable to move or really to think. All I can focus on is how hungry and thirsty I am. I slip in and out of consciousness. I hear a low whimpering every once and a while and it pulls me into reality for just a moment before I drop back out.

Something runs up and down my back, running along the bare skin of the vertebrae of my spine. From the back of my neck, all the way to my lower back. It's soothing and raises goosebumps along my skin. I shift slightly but my stomach rumbles loudly I try to compress myself even tighter. I'm not sure if I've known for a while or if this has just been first time I've really paid enough attention to care that I'm naked.

Other than my mother and Dimitri, and Lissa on a really awkward occasion where she walked in on me as I was just hopping out of the shower, no one has ever seen me naked. My mother, I had no choice over. Dimitri, I practically through myself at, shamelessly. And I'd continue to do so in a different life. While, after a long time of therapy and even longer accumulative time in an awkward silence, we were able to get passed that too.

But this person isn't... these man hands aren't Dimitri's. Not matter how hard I squeeze my eyes shut and wish it would be the man that I love. I know it's not. It's not my Dimitri.

"Who...?" I rasp, unable to open my eyes.

"It's me, my love, it's Mattias. You... definitely are unique, love. You are far more beautiful now than before." His voice is soft, pleasant in my ears. Like the soft silk sheets covering most of my body. Mattias shifts slightly. "Come here, Hannah."

"Master?" A small voice squeaks. I tense. My hunger hitting me in a fresh wave. I take in a deep breath and I can't even begin to deny; something smells amazing. I jerk into a sitting position, eyes honing in on the small burnet human standing in the doorway. Her eyes widen at the sight of me. A bit of wonder flickers across her face.

"Come here, hun," I say, my lips moving without my permission. "It's okay." Her pupils get larger, expanding until they nearly take up her whole light blue irises. She takes a step closer.

"That's it, baby girl," Mattias whispers into my ear. I don't know why. I don't understand why he's saying what he's saying. All I can do is focus on Hannah's complexion. It's like every detail is magnified by a million. I can see the slight coloring in her cheeks. The blood rushing there. Her lips part and they are red, very red. Like blood red.

Hannah steps closer. Another step. And another. And another until she's standing in front of me at the side of the bed. Her short brown hair blows gently in the night air filtering in from the window right behind her. I didn't even notice it was open. Or there for that matter.

The next thing I know, Hannah is laying across the bed and I'm buried in her neck, drinking from her veins.

And just like being bitten by Mattias. It felt good.

"Ease back, Rosemarie, you'll kill her if you don't stop," Mattias says silkily, no real concern in his voice but his words stop me nonetheless. I jerk away and scramble back, pulling the sheets up to my chest to cover myself, suddenly very aware of myself. My very naked self. I look down at Hannah, who's laying on the bed on her back, staring up at the ceiling dazedly. A happy smile on her lips.

It disgusts me.

I bring up my hand and furiously wipe the wetness from my lips, pulling it back and seeing red. I feel like I'm going to vomit. Mattias is looking over Hannah with a tilted head, a sickening amused smile on his face. That only makes me feel worse.

He looks over at me. "My, my, hungry girl. Do you feel better?" he laughs and I don't think I would say anything even if I could. It feels like that block from earlier has found it's way back into the center of my throat. Thankfully though, Mattias doesn't seem all that interested in me giving him an answer. He's too busy lovingly stroking Hannah's cheek.

"Any more and we might of had an issue, Rosemarie."

I don't respond. I pull my knees up to my chest, close my eyes and wish that all of this was just a horrible dream.

As it turns out, this isn't just a horrible dream. But an all and all a horrible, adulterated version of night of the living harem. Mattias turns out to be quite the player, having six other girls besides me and Hannah. All of them are Strigoi. All of them burnet.

"As you can guess," one of the girls, lounging on the couch with a pixie cut. "Mattias has a thing for cute brunette."

"Some of us, cuter than others," another says, standing by the glass door leading out into the back yard. She has long curly brown hair and she's tall, definitely a Moroi. Or she was before she became a Strigoi.

Just as I was a Dhampir.

"Yeah," the girl with the pixie cut says. "Some of us are prettier. But the rest of them are just bitchier." She turns a red glare towards the former Moroi. She bounces up and saunters over to me, definitely either human or Dhampir. "But ignore that bitchface. I'm Gillian. I used to be a nice girl from Southern Texas, but now I'm a bloodsucking slut in Nevada. Which I find exceedingly ironic."

Come to think of it, that is very ironic. There is like no place for them to find. Us, I tell myself, I'm one of them now. But what's more than that... am I having a genuine and calm conversation... with Strigoi? Like they and I are normal people. Not the nasty abominations that I've been led to believe my entire life and until this point have never seen anything that would go against earlier assumptions. It was only with Dimitri that I saw a slightly different side. They are capable of great desire and they, like me can remember their lives before being turned.

There is just no positive emotions. No happiness. No love. No compassion. Nothing that would allow them to be able to be anything more than monsters. And now I'm one of them. I'm not sure I can feel anything at all. I'm just numb.

"Rose," I say, feeling awkward introducing myself to a Strigoi.

The ex-Moroi turns sharply to look at me. "You? You are the Dhampir that Mattias has been obsessing about?" she looks me up and down, then outwardly scoffs. "You're nothing special."

As unreal as this entire thing is, before I can even try and think of something witty to retort to that, I'm on her. Or, my fist is. I nail her right across the cheek bone faster and harder then I expected. And the look on the ex-Moroi's face brought a tinge of pleasure shooting up my spine. And the huge grin on Gillian's face that I could see from the reflexion of the glass door only made it that much more sweeter.

"Holy shit!" Another girl yells jumping up. "She just nailed Taylor!" She lets out a loud laugh. Most of the others follow and I feel a triumphant grin slide over my face as the tall ex-Moroi, now known as Taylor, slowly straighten up.

"You're going to regret that, you bitch!" Taylor snarls jumping toward me. My finely honed Dhampir-turned-Strigoi muscles easily move me out of the way.

I tilt my head to the side, easily maneuvering away from her. I smoothly move about the large kitchen, avoiding her nearly effortlessly. I've never been to this house -at least I think it's a house, I mean, it looks like a house- but I'm able to move around it like I've been living here for years. My finger tips touch a surface, like the table or the counter, and I move around it.

I feel... graceful. Like I'm not a bull in a China shop anymore. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. A part of me never liked that everything I did in comparison to someone like Lissa was probably less than what she could do. But I also knew that it ultimately didn't matter. As a Guardian, I wasn't meant to pull the attention away from her, she's my Moroi. I'm meant to be hiding in the shadows until the Strigoi show up.

Step out. Kill them. Then move back in, almost as if I didn't exist.

Thinking that made something weird twist in my gut and I can't tell what that is anymore. But it fuels me with this feeling I've come accustom to since I began to absorb the darkness from Lissa.

Rage.

I lay my hands flat against the counter behind me, heft up my body weight smoothly and jut my leg out, as fast and as hard as I could. Taylor's head snaps back and she stumbles backward into the empty space where a fridge should be and slams into the wall before crumbling to the ground. Coughing up blood. Who's the bull in the China shop now? Because while I felt strong enough to take one on with just a single hand, I felt anything but one.

It takes me a moment to pull myself through the rage and hear the clapping around me. The other girls cheering me on, sneering at Taylor. And I suddenly feel sick again. I've had problems dealing with my aggression before and I have been known for taking it out on other, but for some reason, staring down at Taylor now, blood pouring from her face, I feel bad.

Everyone is laughing. Everyone is pointing. Calling her names. And not a single person looks even slightly willing to at least go see if she's okay. If she was a normal person -a normal Moroi- that would have seriously hurt her. A Moroi like her against a Dhampir like myself, who's had years upon years of training under my belt, she would never stand a chance. And there was some part of me, deep down inside that knew, even as a newly made Strigoi, it would have to take someone truly impressive or another ex-Dhampir to be able to beat me.

I didn't feel bad for hitting Mia. Well, later I did. But not at the time and she was an uber bitch and with months of torment under her belt. This girl just said one thing and here I am: bashing her face in with the heel of my foot. Is it because she's a Strigoi and it's my natural reaction to act out more viciously towards her than I would most others?

Or is it because I'm a Strigoi and it;s my natural reaction to act out more viciously towards her?

"Girls, girls! What are we doing?" Mattias comes stalking into the room. The girls part like the red sea so that he can stand between me and Taylor. He looks from her, a bloodied, crumpled mess on the floor, to me, standing by the counter top with what I'm sure is a really shame-filled face. I don't there is any way for a Strigoi to pull off an innocent look.

"The new dyke knocked Taylor the fuck out!" Another girl laughs and I can't help making a face. Is she insinuating that I'm a lesbian? Or that I give off a lesbian vibe? I'm not sure decking Taylor is one of the pre-qualifiers for being a lesbian. I'm pretty sure I'd have to be into girls first. Gillian notices my confused look and shakes her head, it's not important.

Mattias tilts his head slightly, stepping over to Taylor and kneeling down in front of her. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" He asks in mock kindness.

But Taylor doesn't seem to notice. She looks up at Mattias with this look of... admiration? Perhaps fascination? I'm not sure. I'm not sure it can be considered love. I'm not even sure if I know what love feels like anymore. It's only been maybe four or five days since I was in laying in bed at Gerard's house talking to Dimitri about my day and listening to him talk about him. Then we would make jokes about ourselves, and each other and the people we surround ourselves with. Well, it's more like I make fun of people and he just laughs softly on the other side of he phone.

But now I'm here. In a kitchen surrounded by the own kind.

"Didn't I tell you not to fight with people who are clearly superior to you?" Mattias asks. He says is so calmly, like he almost actually cares. "Where else am I going to find a dog as loyal as you?" The look on Taylor's face shifts slightly. She looks a mixture of shocked and hurt. And it confuses me a little. Her eyes flicker to me and she glares, baring her fangs.

I'm surrounded by Strigoi. Where I now belong.

"She was Mattias's favorite for a long time. That is, until you showed up, now he's barely got time for any of us. He's been up there in that room with you just about every second you've been here. He only left when he needed to feed but other than that, it was all you," Gillian explains as she and I head into town. Gillian is nothing like any of the other's. She's very... normal. Definitely not something that I would expect in a Strigoi.

"And why is that?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Probably because you've made a name for yourself?" She runs a hand through her short hair before grabbing the drawstrings on her hoodie. "I'm not really sure I understand that guy. He turned me about..." Her eyebrows pull together. "Maybe... two years ago? I've been building up the courage to run away ever since."

I'm a bit stonewalled by her confession. I pause and turn to her. She stops and grins at me. "What a confession."

She tugs her drawstrings again. "It's no secret. I've left like six or seven times already but he keeps finding ways to bring me back. He's got a little bit of a pimp love thing going on with us. He only turns burnets and the occasional blond. He's really weird. He won't force anything of us. He just wants to be surrounded by hot burnets, I guess. He was probably a loser in school and now wants to be surrounded by hot girls." She rolls her eyes.

"So, I'm guessing you were human before this?" I ask as we continue walking. We are in Carson City, walking around like we are part of the locals, not people out looking to drink the blood of the innocent.

Gillian gets a bounce to her step. "Yeah. I got accepted into School of the Arts in Reno. When I got to town, I ran into Mattias. And now I'm here." She shrugs, like it's no big deal but I can see the way her head drops a bit and she avoids eye contact with me. It's so hard to believe that Strigoi were once human, Moroi or Dhampir. I mean, with Dimitri, all I could see was the man that I loved. I can't really see any of them as something before they became Strigoi.

And then I met Gillian.

"So you are one of those muhh ...vampire protectors, right?" Gillian asks.

"A Dhampir, and yeah. I mean I was." I cringe at my own words. If Gillian saw the action, she pretended not to. And I'm a bit thankful, I think, for that. We're quite for a long time, walking under the city lights.

"So... you were... Shadow-kissed before this?" Gillian says, staring ahead.

I nod, eyeing her curiously. "I was. Why?"

She still doesn't look at me. The lights of the buildings reflect off of her slightly red eyes. "No reason. Just wondering if that's the reason why you're different. Or if you are suppose to be different because of it."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

She slides her hands behind her head and walks with her elbows popped out. The people walking around us mutter at the incontinence but Gillian doesn't seem to notice. "I mean... for those of us that were turned back by a Spirit user, are rumored to no longer be able to be turned back into Strigoi. I was just thinking that because you've already been touched by this Spirit thing that you would be a different kind of Strigoi."

That's a legitimate thought. "I'm not exactly sure how Strigoi are suppose to act but I don't feel very... Dhampir. I just feel like a monster."

Gillian stops and I wonder if I said something wrong. If she is going to run back to the house and tell the other girls and Mattias about what I said but when she turns to me, she has a weird look on her face. Both of us stop in the middle of the street. People begin passing us by, looking annoyed. But neither of us care. I don't think we can bring ourselves to.

"Rose," Gillian says slowly, her red eyes lower. "In my experience, although greatly less then yours, I have seen a lot of Strigoi. I have seen them when they -we- aren't hunting or fighting. We are pretty normal, only our two sides of the coin is content and enraged. We can walk around in society with almost no one being able to tell the difference other than our eyes and paleness. But anything, and I mean anything regardless of how minute it is, can set us off. Much like what happened with you today with Taylor. We are all like ticking time bombs and it takes a lot of will power not to go on a bloody rampage all the time." A dark look covers her face.

In the light now, I can see that her hair and streaks of lighter shades of brown. She looks me in the eye and holds me with an intensity that leaves me uneasy. "It's hard at first but it gets easier. Somewhat. You can't control when the blood lust hits or how hard it hits you but you can, over time and with a lot of will power, control how much it dictates your life."

It's then that I realize: she is trying to help me live as relatively normal life as I can while being a Strigoi.

"We can never get jobs. We'll never age. We can't function in society for long nor can we ever go outside when it's light out, but what we can do is enjoy life as much as we can from the way we were raised to," Gillian says solemnly. "I don't know about you, but when I was growing up, I never wanted to hurt people, no matter what. Now I don't have much of a choice. But I can still do what I almost think is right. I go after the dirt bags in the world. Do they deserve it more than other, good, hard-working people of the world, I think so but hell, I'm a creature of the night, so what the fuck do I know?" She laughs bitterly. It's a nasty, horrible sound that doesn't seem right coming from her. Not after what she just said.

She grows somber again and I still haven't found my words. She smiles lightly, it's tentative and delicate but not creepy or cruel or sly in the slightest. It looks strangely nice on her small face. "Most other Strigoi I've met only want to hurt others. No matter what. That's just never been me. I can't bring myself to want that. So, I'm just biding my time."

"For what?" I ask quietly. I barely recognize my voice.

She makes a stabbing gesture towards her heart. "Waiting for the stake with my name on it. Waiting to meet the Guardian, or Moroi, that will set me free."

Her words stir something inside of me. Something I didn't even know was still there. Something I didn't even know was possible. I think she might have given me hope.

It wasn't until nights later that, while thinking over Gillians words for the hundredth time, did I realize how simply she, a human, called vampires Moroi and Dhampir Guadians.


	5. Chapter 5: Somebody I used to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: And here is the next one! Sorry for the wait! Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead, the most brilliant woman in the world.
> 
> Warning: Nothing, except maybe language.
> 
> Word Count: 5,139

The first couple of days, I was shown a different, much more civilized part of the Strigoi (although I wouldn't quite call it "civilized."). They lounged around the house, ripped each other new ones when they got the chance, and would occasionally hiss at one another for getting in their way. But it wasn't until day 4 after waking up from the turn (and 10 days after being taken from Gerard's house, I realized) that we finally did something really Strigoi.

We went out hunting. And it wasn't like, go out, find someone, kill them, then leave. No, it was go out, hunt six or seven people each, drain them dry, and then keep going until morning. Each and every time I held a squealing, shriveling, whimpering mess of a man, or a woman, and I fed on them... I felt horrible afterward but I couldn't stop myself. It's much like what Gillian had said, I couldn't control it. I was just suddenly so thirsty for blood and nothing would sate it. After I would drink from someone, I would look up to see if Gillian was looking at me displeased.

But no, she looked at me with understanding. Like she was in my place before, and I don't understand it.

Hannah ended up being okay. I didn't seriously hurt her when I fed from her. But Mattias has yet to turn her and keeps her around to play around with. It reminds me of the humans that were with the Strigoi that Dimitri was with. She stared at me with these strange dazed eyes and wouldn't say anything but I saw her often go into Mattias' room. Her and Taylor. And they wouldn't come out for a long time.

Gillian leaned over and told me that Hannah was Mattias' blood whore and Taylor was just a whore. After we both laughed at that I remembered that I needed to ask her about her strange knowledge.

So I asked her after the hunt that night was over, about why she knew the Moroi and Dhampir names for -well- Moroi and Dhmapir, she just shrugged and said, "I've been Strigoi for two years, I was bound to learn the lingo." For some reason, I wanted to call her out on bullshit but I had no proof. It was a legitimate reason, but there was something in my gut that made me want to pursue it.

But I can't. It doesn't matter anymore. I am Strigoi now. I shouldn't care about anything other than eating humans, Dhampir and Moroi.

So why do I?

"Get ready for the really fun hunt, Rosemarie," Mattias says, stalking up beside me, putting his arm across my shoulders. This night, which would normally be too hot and sticky for someone like me, is just warm and only slightly unbearable. In fact, Mattias in close proximity gave me the slight cool down that I needed. Which is the only good thing I can say about Mattias.

"Oh yeah?" I say, not really listening. All of us girls surround him like a protective bubble. Not that most of us like to, but it's dangerous being a lone Strigoi out there, especially with Alchemists and other rapidly changing technology that can aid the Guardians. It's a lot harder to move around the world and keep up with the times when you can only survive in darkness.

Mattias bumps me with his hip, grinning with a chill. "Tonight, we've got a real treat. Right, Libby?"

The only ex-Dhampir in the group besides me is about five or six years older than myself. She's been with Mattias the longest of anyone. Almost ten years, or so I've heard. She's taller than me, but quiet. I've barely heard her speak two words since I've arrived. Someone else had to tell me her name. She is silent through almost every situation, always staring on with neutral, impassive face. Nothing in the world seemed to phase her. But if I've learned anything about her during my relatively short stay thus far, it's that she's fiercely protective of Mattias.

Not in love, like Taylor, but she gives everyone this fiery hot stare at those that even so much as look at him aggressively. I never noticed it before but Mattias was a Moroi before this and Libby is believed to be a close friend of his before he turned, and her loyalty leading her to also change in order to stay with him, but they are tight lipped about their relationship.

In fact, if anything, they treat each other with a stranger's indifference but there is without a doubt a connection.

Libby nods. "A group of Moroi and Guardians have entered this city this late last night. I caught their scent in the wind before sunrise after the hunt yesterday."

"Well aren't you special?" another girl grumbles.

Libby doesn't respond. She just stared back at the girl for a long, drawn out moment before turning away. I falter slightly while walking but Mattias manages to continue to pull me along.

"I haven't had Dhampir in two months! They are the best," another girl gushes, licking her lips. I crinkle my nose in disgust.

"Don't be like that, Rosemarie," Mattias says, finally pulling his arm away. "It's strange to think of it at first but totally worth it in the end." He sighs dreamily, eyes rolling around in his head before landing on me and and grinning coldly.

Together, our little group climb up to the roof and jump from roof top to roof top, Libby leading the way. The night is young and it's still cooling down from the hot weather from earlier today. A storm is rolling in and it's only fitting, that tonight we spill Moroi and Dhampir blood, and the sky cries for them. If I was into that sort of poetic stuff.

"Where are they?" Gillian asks, staying close to my side. She's still in that hoodie she was in a couple days ago. I'm starting to see a pattern. Every time she leaves the house, she wears that jacket. It's a faded blood red jacket. I'm not sure why.

"Who are they?" I ask, not missing the look Gillian sends me.

Taylor looks at me with unreadable red eyes. "Why does it matter? Food is food." For some reason, those words rubbed me the wrong way. They aren't food. They are Moroi -they come first- and Dhampir that have spent their entire lives with a single mantra. They would think of that single phrase as they worked out, went to class, trained, and got their first Moroi to protect.

They come first.

And here we are, hunting for them. My stomach twists uncomfortably.

"Food is food, what a bitch," Gillian says to me after the others went on ahead. She rolls her eyes and grabs the crook of my elbow. "Come on, let's go. Might as well go see who it is... or not?" she says, tilting her head to look at me. She probably sees the strained look on my face. "Look, if it's too soon, we don't have to join them. We can just go hunt someone else."

Mattias stops, turning back to us. "Come on, Rosemarie, Gillian, we need you. Libby smelled a lot of them, so we need the extra girl power." He does a fist pump, which only looks silly. "Besides, Rosemarie was a Guardian, like Libs. She'll be a good asset to have."

"But if she doesn't want to, you can't force her, Mattias," Gillian says chillingly. "And you're right, other than Libby, she's the only one here who's trained her entire life to kill."

"No, it's fine," I shrug, not wanting to remember, once more, that I am going against everything that I have ever been taught. If my soul is going to burn in hell for eternity, might as well light a few matches myself...right? "I need... I need to get over this. Don't I? The chance of me ever changing back to normal is slim to none and there is no way I'd ever go looking for-" I stop, swallowing their names like stones in the throat. Alina. Oksana. Adrian. Lissa. No. I would never go looking for them. I have no idea if I would be able to stop myself from hurting them and I would never take that risk.

Gillian nods, looking impassive, while Mattias looks pleased. With Taylor tugging at his arm and insisting he hurry, he turns back around and leads the way back toward the hotel. Libby follows closely in his shadow, long chestnut colored braid swaying at her waist.

I shouldn't care. I really shouldn't. But I do. A part of me still doesn't want my friends to get hurt, especially by me. They are still important to me, even if I'll never seen any of my important people again, it doesn't mean I don't want them to be safe and happy. Maybe I'm not fully Strigoi yet. I'm not sure if it's suppose to take time or something if it just happens immediately. Maybe Dhampir and Moroi just let off some kind of pheromone that drives Strigoi stir-crazy. I don't really know. This will be the first time I'll be around either since my turning.

I guess I'll figure it out soon.

I recognized the hotel that the Moroi and Guardians are staying at. I saw it the night Gillian and I came walking around here after I kicked the shit out of Taylor. It was just a sideways glance, not something that I really register, only now I notice it, staring at it again. It's big and bright and illuminates the street with its checkered board lights.

We all jump down into an alley and stalk our way to the hospital.

"Is this smart?" I ask. "Just attacking where so many humans can see us?"

Taylor turns and gives me a deadpan look. "What do we care? Let that be a Moroi problem. It's them who care so much about whether we are known about or not." She shrugs and turns away, perfectly healed nose turned up. Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about busting it a couple days ago.

As I expected, Libby is a well trained Novice (since I don't know if she graduated or not. I'm assuming she did because she looks to maybe be 22 or 23 but who knows?) because she moves a lot like I do. Even after years of being a Strigoi under her belt, there is something distinguishable about the way she moves that just screams 'trained Dhampir'. She sticks close to Mattias, like he's her Moroi, which I bet he was, and watches him even closer.

I pull my hair up to the top of my head and into a ponytail to get it out of my face. I don't bother with the few loose strands, just tuck them behind my ear and follow the others smoothly into the bright hotel. It hurts my eyes a little but I adjust. Immediately, everyone breaks up into somehow pre-established groups. As an after-thought, Gillian grabs my arm and tugs me along with her into the lobby, passed the front desk which Libby, Taylor and Mattias head straight for.

Gillian, a girl named Haley, and I walk into a lounging area just off the main office. There is a small sit in restaurant provided by the hotel and a comfy living room like area just next to it. There is a few definite humans meandering around, reading, talking, checking in. Families. People who have driven for miles to get from one place to another and just here for a pit stop. They have no idea how their lives are going to change tonight. I have to physically stop myself from just spinning around and screaming at them to run, especially when one of the little boys lifts his head from his dad's shoulder where he was dozing to smile at me sleepily.

I have to look away. I can't let myself be distracted by these people. They aren't the real target. If anything, they will probably be able to escape in the chaos. It's the Moroi and Dhampir that have stuff to seriously worry about.

My eyes scan the room over Gillian's shoulder who skillfully put herself between me and the Guardians and Moroi sitting around the table. There is seven Guardians and three Moroi and two male humans. Alchemists, my brian tells me. I see the lily tattoo on each of their left cheeks. Both are stiff and uncomfortable. Of the seven Guardians only one is a woman. One of the Moroi is a young man with white blond hair and the other is an older woman with her dark hair pulled back into a tight bun. She's dressed up all fancy, pencil skirt and blazer while the boy is in jeans and a button up.

It's the last Moroi that catches my attention and makes my blood run colder than usual. I feel like my entire life is crashing down around me.

Gillian is also gazing over at them with an unreadable look on her face. It's a mixture of confusion and surprise. She's so focused on them that her grip on my elbow loosened so I could pull away from her and cross the room toward Mattias. I grab his arm and, while going up onto my tip toes, I hiss into his ear, "I want the Moroi in the middle. Between the boy and the woman. Let me have him."

Mattias turns ever so slightly to look over at them before turning back to me, grinning revealing his fangs. "Is my beloved Rosemarie asking me, or ordering me?"

"Ordering," I snap. "If you want me to participate, he's mine."

Mattias looks positively thrilled by the prospect. His look is chilling, even to me, even now. I feel like I should be getting used to it by now but that's not happening. I stare at him with as cold and as hard a look as I can muster. Mattias stares back with an amused half smile. After a few long moments, he nods.

"Alright, darling, if you want him, he's yours." He reaches out and caresses my cheek. It takes all of my will power not to jerk away. "Just enjoy the treat."

"Thanks." With that, I turn on my heel and, as inconspicuous as possible, I make my way back to Gillian and Haley. They both look at me curiously. "The Moroi in the middle is mine. Mattias said it was okay."

Haley nods. "Whatever. I want that cute Guardian with the Cry Baby Walker haircut." She grins, eyeing one of the Guardians.

Gillian looks at me with the same unreadable expression. Her eyes lower to the floor for a moment before rising to my eyes again. She nods slowly. The three of us put our heads together and I peak at the Guardians, seeing one of them staring at us, his youthful face twisted into one of confusion. He knows that there is something wrong with us, but I can't tell if he understands just what that is.

"We are being watched," I mumble, keeping my eyes down.

Gillian shrugs. "Mattias is moving." She must have eyes on the back of her head because right as she says that, I spot Mattias walking casually toward them, totally uncaring that there are seven Guardians watching the room. My eyes flash over to where Libby was just a few moments ago only to see Taylor standing there, as if she was still going to check in.

Libby had made her way to the female Guardian and faster than I expected, she broke into a sprint toward her, hissing loudly. All the Guardians jump up, stakes in their hands. That's when we all move in. Gillian zooms past me to get to the young Moroi man, snatching him from his seat and tossing him across the room onto one of the couches, cushioning his fall. The couch falls backward, hiding him and her and she leaps over on top of him.

Mattias kills a Guardian right away and moves on to the next one. People are screaming, running out of the room. I slink my way through the bodies to my prey. He's already on his feet, trying to get away. Two Guardians flank him. I charge. I manage to jump onto the broader Guardian's back, casing him to stumble into the wall. I reach up, grab his head and bash it into the wall twice to knock him out before spinning around and narrowing avoiding a stake to the heart. It scratches my arm and instead of just cutting, it burns and stings. Like a paper cut, but much more painful.

I back up, look around. I grab a picture off the wall and swing it at his head. He barely avoids it. I drop it and rush him. He jabs at me with his stake which I back step before dropping down and swiping his feet out from under him. I hop on top of him, pull my hand back and punch him hard on the jaw three times. Left, right, left and then pull back slightly to see if he'll get up again. He's out cold.

I look around but my Moroi is gone. I look down the hall he tried to escape from and snarl. He's at the end, going out the exit. I jump up and sprint down the hall as fast as I can. I throw the door open and rush after him, catching him before he can get to his rental car. I catch him and press him tightly against the car door, my hand on his chest. By the slightly pained look on his face I must have hit him harder than I thought. A bit of shame fills my gut and I loosen my grip automatically.

Dark eyes widen at the sight of me in the light. "Rose?"

"Hi, old man." An evil smile curls across my lip.

Ibrahim Mazur stares back at me with the most surprised look I have ever seen on him. Something in his eyes leaves me a bit confused. Is he happy? Is he relieved? I can't tell.

"What are you doing here, old man?" I ask, loosening my grip even more when I notice it's hard for him to breath.

"An informant told me that someone matching your description was seen near here a few days ago. I needed to see for myself," Abe says, straightening his mint colored shirt. I finally step back, feeling like I have to put a bit of distance between us.

"That was really stupid of you. You had to know that if I was here and not back home that I would be Strigoi and you came all the way out here anyway. Are you out of your mind!" I snap, spinning around and stomping away from him a few steps before spinning back around to jab a finger at him. "I almost didn't come tonight and you would have been dead! What the hell is wrong with you? What was so important?"

His shocked expression is gone, replaced by an unreadable expression. He looks me up and down a few moments. Taking in my blue tank top and black leather jacked, my ripped jeans and the boots that Lissa gave me. I can't bring myself to part from them. It's like they are my only tangible connection to her now. I don't trust myself to ever be near her again. Not that I would be able to get near her, being Strigoi.

His dark brown eyes, so much like my own, pause at my longer finger nails, meant for scratching the shit out of people and my mouth, which I know he knows has two fangs, much like his, hiding beneath my lips, and my eyes... my eyes now red, staring back at him.

"You are, Rose. I had to know if coming here, I would find a body." His words are so plain, so matter of fact, I flinch. "But I didn't. You are alive."

"I'm Strigoi," I snarl, taking a threatening step toward him, but he's unfazed, which only boils my blood more. "I'm a monster and you are my prey. You were an idiot to come out here. You had to of known. So why did you risk it? Huh? If your informant saw me, you knew I was up and about. And since I gave no word to Lissa, you had to know I was Strigoi, so why? Why risk figuring out what you already knew?"

My fists were clenched so tight they hurt. My nails bit into my skin and I was trembling in anger, but Abe moved as if he wasn't concerned in the slightest. He reached out and touched my cheek in such an affectionate way, it was strange to see from him. Odd, even. Since turning, the only person to touch me so affectionately was Mattias and that always left me feeling sickened but not here, not now, not with Abe.

It's like Abe Mazur has some kind of magical power in his finger tips that when they touched my cheek, all of the anger is just sucked right out of my body, making me feel boneless.

"You are my daughter, Rose. Why must you insist on asking such silly questions?" Abe says simply, staring at me intently. I unclench my fists and just stare at him.

"How could you possibly know I wouldn't hurt you? For all you knew I was chasing you don't to rip your throat open and watch the dust come out." It was a poor excuse for a joke but Abe smiles, bemused. It's the first, genuinely kind smile I've seen since awakening. It makes me think back to when I was going to turn. I thought of my old man and how just before I came to Nevada, he was trying to be close to me, be in my life.

Abe Mazur wanted to know his daughter. He wanted to know me.

"I know you, Rose," he says. "And as complex as I'm sure you'd like to believe you are, I make a living off of reading people and their intentions. I knew, if you became Strigoi, I was going to do what I could to save you."

His words, although matter-of-fact sounding, still make my chest ache and make me wonder if this was truly what it's like to have a father that really and truly cares for you. I swallow the feeling though, not sure what to think of it.

"But what if you were wrong?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

He shrugs, like that wasn't his issue. "But I wasn't. Here you are."

I narrow my eyes. "I could still chew on your neck if I wanted."

Abe gives me a patient, knowing look, like he's dealing with... well... a child. His child, more specifically, I guess. Which he is. "True. But you don't want to, do you? I know you, Rose, there isn't anyone in the world that can make you do something you are adamant about not doing. Turning Strigoi means nothing."

I stare at him for a long time, wondering if there was some validity to what he said. "You think so?" I ask quietly, shifting uncomfortably. I'm not usually the weak one. But I think I've been really weak these last few days. Turning Strigoi has put me on my head, I don't know what to do.

He nods once, sharply. "And I can see now, just standing in front of you, that you are different. Having been Shadow-kissed before turning really did affect you. You are different from any Strigoi I've ever seen. You're eyes aren't very red and you seem very calm even in the presences of your so called 'prey'." He makes air quotes around the words prey.

He was right. Here I was, standing in front of a Moroi, and I felt... nothing. I wasn't itching to break his neck or drink his blood. It wasn't like I was a Strigoi standing in front of a Moroi. I was a daughter standing before her father. I wasn't even the slightest bit hungry for him.

My surprise must have shown on my face, because he nods, more to himself than me. "Now that I know that, I'm going to save you. Wait for me."

"Old man-"

"I wonder if another Spirit user could save you..." he murmurs, mind working.

"Old m-"

"I'll have to pull a couple of strings and get some more help..."

"Old-"

"Perhaps Vasilisa-"

"Dad!" I yell, making him stop. He looks at me, surprise. I am too. I think this is the first time I've actually called him dad. Really admitted our relationship. Yeah, he and I would often make jokes around the subject of us being father and daughter, but we've never really fully acknowledge it. I feel my jaw working as I search for the words. Finally, I continue, "Don't bring in Lissa. I can't..." I shake my head. I can't bring her into this.

"I will save you," Abe says. He sounds so sure.

"Don't tell anyone about this. If you are adamant about helping me, do it on the down-low. I don't want to give Lissa any false hope. Okay?" I sigh.

Abe looks about to protest but sighs as well, nodding. "Fine, Rosemarie, fine."

I send a quick look toward the hotel, the sounds of fighting is gone. I reach past Abe and open the door to his rental. "Get out of here, we've spent too much time talking. Go."

Abe turns away for a moment but then he hesitates and I wonder if he's worried about turning his back to a Strigoi but then he turns back around and hugs me tightly, slipping something into the back pocket of my jeans before pulling away uncomfortably and getting in. He doesn't wait, he starts the car and drives off, leaving me standing there.

I hesitate a moment before rushing back inside. I hope I'm not too late. I run back to the two Dhampir that I knocked out earlier. A quick look around the room shows meme that the other are around, drinking from their spoils, completely oblivious to me. I flip over one of them. I don't recognize him. I move over to the other and flip him over. It's Pavel.

I grab him under the arms and drag him down the hall, watching the others with their faces buried into the necks of their victims. I drag him out the door and into the bushes at the end of the parking lot. I kneel over his and slap him a few times until he starts to wake up. He looks around blearily, eyes half open. As soon as he focuses on me, he makes to jump up, reaching for a stake that is no longer there.

"There are still Strigoi nearby so shut up!" I snap. He stares back, tense, looking like this is the last place he'd want to be. But I think he recognizes me. I am his Moroi's daughter after all. "My old man is gone, he's safe, hopefully. I hope you know where he's going. He took the rental." Pavel opens his mouth but I shake my head. "No, don't tell me, just go to him. Make sure he gets out of here safely." I stand up and back away from him.

He stands up slowly, a little uneven. He manages his footing and then looks around, surveying the area. He's hesitant to turn away from me, probably worried I'll stop being so friendly.

"Keep him safe," I say, turning and heading back to the hotel. I hear sirens off in the distance. I go inside and stand by the door, watching as he gets his bearings before finally heading off down the street. His jaw is definitely going to be hurting for a while. I'm surprised I didn't even notice it was him when I was punching the shit out of him earlier. I guess I was so focused on getting to Abe, I didn't really think about it.

I step back into the room, scanning it until I find Mattias with his face buried in the neck of the female Guardian, her eyes are wide and staring blankly at the ceiling. I step over to him. "Mattias, the cops are coming, we should go." He pulls away after a few more swallows, licking the blood from his lips. He nods.

"Alright, ladies, take your prize, let's get out of here." He walks over to another of the female Moroi and tosses her over his shoulder. The other girls grab someone to bring home as a pet. I stop on my way to the door to see one of the girls making her way over to the other Guardian that I knocked out. I beat her to him. I grab him from under the arms and much like with Pavel, I drag him toward the door. He's bleeding a little from his head where I beat it against the wall. Oops.

When she gives me a dirty look, I snarl, "He's mine. Get your own." She hisses and me and turns away. I sigh, looking down at him, wondering what in the world I'm doing. It's my fault I knocked him out. I should at least try to save his life.

As one Dhampir to a remnant other, I owe him that much.


	6. Chapter 6: Into the Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Sorry about the wait! I love all the comments! Thanks a ton! Here's the next installment. Thanks, again! Let me know what you think. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead, the most brilliant woman in the world.
> 
> Warning: Nothing, except maybe language.
> 
> Word Count: 5,790

Thankfully, I have a room to myself so I was able to keep my "pet" to myself. He's probably about Adrian's age. I feel a little masochistic when I tie him down to my bed and skillfully remove his two guns, swiss army knife, wallet, boots, and spare stake, which I used a shirt to hold onto before hiding it under the bed, still wrapped in the shirt. And then I did the creepiest, yet most logical thing I could do at that point, since I wasn't too confident my knots would hold him down for long if I left him alone and he woke up, I watched him.

What I mean is, I stayed in the chair on the opposite side of the room, looking at everything but him unless he shifted slightly, then I was staring at him full force. The sun is going to come up soon so I hope that he'll be awake by then and be able to escape. That will make it impossible for the rest of us to follow considering we'll burst into flames or something if we so much as consider following him out there. The only one that could, would be Hannah, and something tells me all ninety-five pounds of her wouldn't be enough to take him on.

It's just past human noon by the time he started stirring. Like Pavel, he looked around dazed for a moment, then realized he was in a strange enviroment and then remembered that he fought Strigoi last night; and that's when the struggling began. He first tugged at his arm restraints, then his leg and then his eyes flew across the room, until they landed on me.

"You're... Strigoi," he says blankly, like the possibility of me knowing that could have slipped my mind. I roll my eyes.

"What tipped you off? Red eyes? Stunning personality?" I sigh. "Listen, you and your friends were attacked by my band of merry men last night, do you remember that?"

He seems hesitant, testing his restraints one more time before figuring it was useless and nodding solemnly. His face is set hard, just like any good Guardian in the face of Strigoi. You can't panic or you'll die. His mind is whirling, trying to find a way out of here. I don't blame him, I would be doing the same if I were in his position. But no, he's damn lucky to have me as his captive instead of one of the others. Something tells me, they wouldn't be nice enough to let them go. Not like I am. Maybe this is what Abe was saying.

"Good, I knocked you and Pavel out yesterday so I could get to Abe -err Mr. Mazur. See, he's my old man and I had to make sure none of those other guys got to him. So, sorry about bashing your face into the wall," I say nonchalantly, not knowing how else to express my bit of remorse at being the reason he would have died otherwise.

"Did you?" He asks. It surprises me that he spoke.

"Did I what?"

He stares at me blankly with dark eyes. "Did you get Mr. Mazur?"

It sounds weird to hear him ask that. Wouldn't someone usually assume that if that was a Strigoi's target that I would have gotten him? I nod my head slowly. "I did. But he's fine. He got into his rental and sped off down the road."

"But you got him," the Guardian says quizzically, face scrunching up in confusion.

I nod again. "Yes and I let him go. He's my dad. I had to make sure his ass got out of there safely. I got Pavel out too but I couldn't get you out before the police got near so I had to take you with me. So... yeah." There I go, being as eloquent with words as I've always been.

He stares at me blankly, mind whirling. "Why did you do that?"

I blink once. "Do what?"

He shifts a little, trying to get comfortable but there really isn't any way for that to happen just short of me untying him, giving him his stake and walking him out of here by himself. Probably with all of us dead inside. But I can't let that happen. He needs more of a head start.

"Why did you do that? You're Strigoi," he says, staring at me with dark eyes. It's just now that I recognize his heavy Turkish accent. I can't believe I didn't notice it before.

I pull my legs up to my chest, resting them on the chair. I lay my head onto my knees and stare at him sideways. "Abe Mazur is my dad. I couldn't kill him and when I knocked you and Pavel out to get to him... I couldn't..." live with myself, was going to be my next words but since I'm not really alive, there isn't going to be much living with myself. "I couldn't... just let the two of you die because I knocked out out."

I shrug my shoulders, trying to give him the impression that I really don't care too much about whether he lives or dies, but I don't think the message got through to him as he stares at me wide eyed. He stares at me for two whole minutes without blinking before looking away, blinking madly, his mind racing. He leans up a little bit, eyes wide.

"Why would a Strigoi care at all?" he asks quietly, studying me. It's almost like he thinks if he studies me closer that I'll just suddenly admit to having some kind of other ulterior motive.

I shake my head. "I don't know. I guess I'm just a really shitty Strigoi. Now, I'm going to tell you what's going to happen." I drop my fingers on my shin bones. "Tonight, I'll get you something to eat or whatever so you'll have enough strength to move as soon as the sun rises tomorrow. I'll take you downstairs and you'll escape," I make air quotes around escape, "and if I ever see you again, it'll probably be a battle to the death. Good?"

The young Guardian looks a little put off. "It's not like I have much of a say."

"If you aren't good, I could just kill you," I snap. He presses his lips close together. I huff and close my eyes, confident that I would be faster than him if he attempted to break free and attack me.

Silence hangs between us for a few minutes before the Guardian finally says, "You are Queen Vasilisa's personal Guardian, are you not?" I nod, not opening my eyes. "How did you turn?"

"Bitten, bled dry, given blood, the usual," I shrug like I don't care but I'm a bit surprised to hear the sourness in my own voice. I hadn't really thought about how mad I am at being changed. I've just been trying so hard to accept this new part of my life without really coming to terms with the fact that I didn't want it in the first place. Since when has Rose Hathaway been one to just roll with the punches? Never. I didn't do it in life as a Dhampir, I sure as hell wont do in death as a Strigoi.

Thinking about it like that fills me with something I didn't know I still possessed even to this extent. I'm filled with the aching desire to cause trouble. Mattias changed me against my will and I should be making him pay for it, but I haven't. Somehow, I've been trying to do it since the start without realizing it. I let my old man go. Pavel too. And now, I'm scheming to let another Dhampir go, knowing full well that he will remember where we live and will probably come back with a lot more Guardians and lot more stakes.

And I'm okay with that.

Now this is the Rose I remember. I thought I had lost her. Good to know she's been in the back of my mind, planning out my enemy's demise, just waiting patiently. Good girl.

I open my eyes, seeing the Guardian staring at me a little worried. I reach up absently and touch the smile on my lips. It fades and I stand slowly and approach him. He tense up as I get closer. I sit at the edge of the bed and stare at him. He pulls his leg closest to me as far as he can, which isn't far.

"What's your name?" I ask.

He looks at me like he doesn't understand. Like he suddenly is no longer able to understand English. "What?"

"You're name. What is it?" I ask again, not at all perturbed.

"Asland," he says softly.

I laugh out loud, the noise sounds strange to me. The strapped down man looks at me wide eyed, looking like he didn't expect it any more than I did. "Are you kidding me? Like the lion? That Asland?"

He looks at me perplexed. "I don't understand. What lion?"

I shake my head, laughing harder then I expected. It's not even all that funny, yet somehow I can't stop. "Have you seen that movie? The one with the four sibling go into that giant wardrobe and end up in a magical place. What the hell was it called? Narnia? Narnia! That's it. In it, there was a huge magical god lion named Asland." I rub away the moister building up in my eye. "Whoo. Sorry. I think that's the most I've laughed since I was turned."

I lean back against the footboard, staring up at the ceiling. An occasional giggle leaving me. It's weird to hear my laugh. It doesn't sound any different than when I last laughed as a Dhampir. I wonder if it sound cruel and nasty to Guardian Asland. That makes me giggle a little bit more until I really think about it. What if it does? That sobers me up quickly.

Asland stares back at me confused and I just shake my head. "Never mind. I'm crazy, don't listen to me." I reach up and pull my hair loose and shake it out. I give him a level look. "My name is Rose Hathaway. Nice to meet you. Now, after you leave here, you are going to get other Guardians and return, right?"

Asland opens his mouth, probably to deny it but the words don't seem to come. He closes his mouth and shrugs. "If they'll listen. Yes."

I nod slowly. "Good. I didn't much like any of them anyway. Now listen closely. The head of our little group and an ex-Moroi named Mattias..." I proceed to tell him about everything I learned about Mattias and Libby and Taylor and all the other girls here, including Hannah. How they hunt, how they react to one another. Their triggers. Anything I could think of that would help the Guardians. Before my eyes I watch Asland begin to relax, having something other than me to focus on it occupying his brain. As soon as I get to Gillian, I stop. I consider telling him about her, but then I decide against it. Something just stops me from saying anything.

Asland doesn't seem to notice my pause. He's busy mentally going through all the information that I gave him. After a long moment he blinks back to reality. He looks at me. "Why are you telling me this?"

I shake my head, standing up slowly. I stretch my arms up over my head and hold it there for a moment before relaxing and going back to my seat. I plop down and draw one knee up this time. "I don't know. I told you what I could, do what you will with it." I rub my eyes, feeling tired. I muss my hair and then rest my cheek on my knee.

Asland is quiet for a long moment. Finally, he whispers, "Are you sleepy?"

I nod, pulling my other knee up. "Yeah, I guess."

"I..." he hesitates, shifting slightly. "I didn't know Strigoi could get tired..."

I let out a long breath, shifting slightly to try and get into a more comfortable position. "Yeah, me neither. I guess we can be."

"Why are you helping me?" He asks again, softly.

The heavy weight of sleep rests on my eyes. It provides a bit of comfort knowing that some things don't change, regardless of what race you are. "Because I have the power to. And even as a Dhampir, I couldn't just sit back and watch someone get hurt because of me. Not when I could do something about it, at least. I'd feel like shit if I failed but I'd feel even worse if I did nothing so, the lesser of two evils, I guess." I slur my words a little, slipping into slumber. I sit up a little. "Wait, does that work for what I said? Lesser of two evils?" I shake my head and lower it again. "Never mind. It doesn't matter."

I'm about asleep, a little surprised that I am able to fall sleep while in the presences of a Dhampir, with a stake just under the bed. But I can't be concerned. If I die, I die. And that way, I can't hurt anyone anymore.

"Well, regardless of your reasoning..." Asland says softly. "Thanks for not killing me."

I mumble something that didn't sound like English, even to myself.

There is a light knock on my door. I almost didn't move to answer it, but then I hear Asland, hissing at me softly. I blink a few times and uncurl from my place on the chair to see Asland, hair messy from laying on the bed, staring at me with weary eyes. I stand up slowly and walking over to him. I grab the covers out from under him and cover his face with it.

"Act like you were drank from," I mumbled.

"But I've never been drank from," Asland says, his voice holding an inflection of worry. It grants me pause. I turn around slowly and look at him. He stares back at me looking so young. Younger than I expected somehow. Why do I feel so old?

"Then pretend to sleep," I say softly, I reach up and untie his hands, very slowly. "Do not react at all, if they know you weren't drank from, they'll kill both of us, I think." He nods very slowly, rubbing his wrists. I go to his collection of weapons in the corner and grab his dagger. It wont kill a Strigoi but it might make him feel better to have it. Less chance of him blowing our cover.

I slice his palm open with it, and he opens his mouth to protest, but I motion him silent. I throw a towel from my dresser to him and put the blood from the knife onto my fingers. I put the knife under the covers for him and he hides under it too. There is another knock on the door, this one louder than the last.

"Rose?"

I peek back one more time to make sure Asland is out of sight and smear the blood around my mouth, right as I open the door, I wipe it away, hoping it looks convincing. Gillian stands on the other side. She watches the movement with an unreadable expression. Her eyes travel into the room for a moment before moving back to me.

"What do you want, Gillian?" I ask.

She tilts her head slightly in thought. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know this was your first time attacking your own kind, so I was wondering if you needed anything."

I shake my head. "No, I'm fine. Thanks. I'd actually prefer to be left alone for a while." I close the door a little to hide Asland, who I'm sure is a twitchy mess under the covers. His grip on that knife is probably so tight his knuckles are white and I can hear the faint sound of his heart racing. That knife is probably the only thing keeping him anchored to reality right now. It's the only thing stopping him from jumping up and going ballistic on Gillian and I.

Gillian looks over my shoulder at Asland and I wonder if she can hear his racing heart. Her eyes come back to me and she nods slowly. "Alright," she says evenly, "since it was a successful hunt, we probably wont hunt again today since we still have our prey," she says simply, turning around and walking down the hall to her room. She barely opens the door before slipping inside and closing it quietly.

I close the door just as quietly and turn around to see Asland peaking out over the top of the covers. Once he sees it's safe, he sits up, pushing the covers away. I was right about his grip on the knife. White knuckled.

"I don't remember you mentioning a Gillian," he says softly, eyes watching me intently.

I shrug. "She's not like the others. She's different... more..." I struggle to find the right word.

"More like you?" Asland asks, brown eyes wide.

I didn't know how to answer that. Was there really a 'like me'? I didn't really think I was different from other Strigoi but maybe I was. Gillian certainly wasn't what I had expected in a Strigoi. The rest are, but not her. She's weird to me. Maybe there is something similar between the two of us. But what?

"I don't know," I answer honestly, walking over to the chair and plopping down. Something stabs me in the butt and I reach into my back pocket and pull out a cellphone. I blink in surprise and then I remember, Abe sticking something into my pocket. This had to be it. But why?

Asland stares at it as I move it around in my hands. "Is this Abe's?" I ask, looking over at Asland.

He nods. "Yes, I saw him use it earlier when he was talking with an informant about... well, you." He shrugs a little, cradling the knife in his hands and whether it's wise or not, I can't take it away from him. It's my fault he's in this mess to begin with. Yeah, it comes with the job but still, it feels different when I'm involved. No one should pay for me.

I open the phone up expecting to see some cheezy background you'd find on a Windows computer or maybe a kitten or something. But no, it's a picture of me and Mom, one of the few times that we are together. Neither of us are looking, we're posing for a picture for Lissa. Somehow the old man managed to get one past both Hathaway girls. I'm in a nice black dress, one of the few colors I look good in, and Mom is in her typical Guardian attire. My arm is around her shoulder and hers is around my waist. We're both smiling.

"Angry midget," I snicker under my breath, imagining her glaring up at me the first time I called her that. Mom and I might not always be on the same side, but we did occasionally have fun together. Neither of us could have known, just a few weeks after this picture was taken that she and I would lose each other forever. It's one thing for Abe to risk his life so long as I dispose of his Guardians first. But not with Mom. She will kill me the first chance she gets. She wont believe that there is a chance that I'm still her daughter. That I'm still Rose. Stake first ask questions later, that's Janine Hathaway's way.

"Rose?" Asland calls out softly. I blink a few times, forgetting where I was there for a moment. "Do you... do you think I can use that?"

I hesitate. Yeah, I'm going to let him go anyway, but do I want to risk something going wrong? Well, I guess, what could really go wrong? I look down at the time. It's almost Moroi noon. We slept for a while. I'll have to leave soon to get him something to eat, I'm sure he's hungry. After a moment more of deliberation, I toss the phone over onto the bed.

"Why do you need it?" I ask, leaning back into the chair. I could grow to hate this chair. My back hurts from sitting in it for so long.

"I need to get myself a way out of here," he says. "I need to get back to Court immediately. To Mr. Mazur."

"You can't contact him," I point out. "I have his phone."

Asland gives me a blank look. "Did you take Guardian Pavel's?"

I stare at him blankly. I don't remember ever seeing a phone. I never took anything from him. "No."

Asland nods once, sharply. "Then he should hopefully still have it. I bet that by now he is with Mr. Mazur." That makes sense, I guess. I didn't see a phone on Asland. I wonder if i knocked it off of him when I tackled him to the ground and bashed his head in. My eyes travel to the purple mark on his forehead wondering if he has a nasty headache from that. He hasn't complained but thinking about it now, he has been squinting for a while. Maybe I gave him a concussion. Oops.

Guardian Asland types in a number and holds it to his ear for a long moment, his face looks pensive. He sighs with relief when someone picks up on the other line, probably Pavel. They speak in a language I don't understand. What is the native language in Turkey? Is it just... Turkish? I guess. Either way, I can't understand it so I just sit here on my uncomfortable as hell chair and watch as he tries to explain the situation to Pavel. Or maybe it's Abe. I can't understand them regardless of who it is.

A few minutes later, Asland hangs up and tosses the phone back to me, I catch it easily. "Get everything sorted out?" I ask. He nods but doesn't explain further. Smart. I stand up, stuffing the phone in my pocket. "I'm going to go get you something to eat. You'll need something to give you strength for the run you're going to have to make. Sorry, McDonalds sounds like it might be the only thing open at this hour."

Asland nods. I walk over to his wallet and grab out a twenty, tossing it to him. He catches it giving me a look. "No money of your own?"

I shake my head. "Left my wallet at Gerard's." I stop on my way to the door, turning slightly to look at him from the corner of my eye. "Is he... I mean, is Gerard and Alina okay?"

Asland's face is unreadable. "Do you care?" he asks lightly, no malice in his voice. It's a genuine question.

I don't answer him. I can't. I don't know the answer. Wondering if it's a mistake to leave him uncuffed for just a moment, I decide to risk it and leave. If he gets himself killed, at least it's no skin off my nose. Hopefully.

Thankfully there are at least two McDonalds every half a block so I was able to get back to the house in record time. Even more thankfully, Asland didn't do anything rash and stayed in bed. He untied his legs, though and got his weapons back, which I suspected would happen. I tossed the bag of burgers and change at him. He stuffs the money back into his wallet and chows down on the plain burgers.

I make for tidying the room, but really, I wanted an excuse to look under the bed at the stake still wrapped up safely in the shirt. Which it is. Unless he found it, switched it out with something else but I'm not going to check and see. Once I'm done trying to be sneaky, I go back to that blasted chair and pull out the phone. I wonder if it's smart to go through it.

What if he has a hit list on it? Other stuff about the black market? His day planner? I can just imagine:

8:00 a.m: Wake up

8:10 a.m: Eat breakfast

8:30 a.m: Go ruin someone's life

9:10 a.m: Break some kneecaps

9:45 a.m: Check in with informants

10:50 a.m: Sell drugs

12:00 p.m: Lunch

12:30 p.m: Bug Rose

1:00 p.m: Break more kneecaps

2:00 p.m: Arms dealing

3:20 p.m: Shop for more flamboyant wardrobe

4:00 p.m: Bug someone who isn't Rose

5:00 p.m: Bug Rose again

5:30 p.m: Dinner

6:00 p.m: Free time (will probably be used to bug Rose)

8:50 p.m: Read a gangster book

10:00 p.m: Early to bed, early to rise

Yeah, maybe something like that. He might set more time aside for bugging me, I don't know. But, there is no way in the world that I would get myself involved in his black market dealings. I'm just thankful he has no plans in making it a family owned business. I wouldn't know how to break it to the old man that I would be keep my illegal drug trafficking and arms dealing virginity for... ever.

I open the phone again and stare at the picture of my mom and me. We look so happy, so normal. I just want to step back into that moment and just keep going from there, but this time, I don't stay at Gerard's for as long as I did.

No, if I wasn't there, there is a good chance that they would have died. If I hadn't been trying to reconnect with Lissa using Spirit, I wouldn't have realized that I was nauseous. I wouldn't have made the connection to a possible Strigoi attack. I wouldn't have been able to save Gerard, which ultimately, is what mattered. He is a Moroi after all and he comes before me. So what if I'm Strigoi now. It's better me gone than him.

"Asland," I say, my voice sounding strange to my ears. He looks up at me, chewing his burger. There is a bit of mustard on the corner of his mouth. He chews for a few moments more before swallowing.

"Yes?"

"I... need you to know something. I need you to get information to Lissa- uh, Queen Vasilisa," I say calmly and he pauses eating, to take in the serious look on my face. He nods for me to continue. "I don't care if you tell my old man it and he tell Lissa, but I need her to know that this pertains to Spirit. Now, you have to tell her word for word what I am about to say, okay?"

"Yes," Asland says, putting the rest of his sandwich down to show me he's serious.

"Tell her: Rose Hathaway was able to perceive the Strigoi attack with her Shadow-Kissed gift. She'll know what it means," I say slowly, hoping that I'm right. The old man might not know, but Lissa certainly will and if Dimitri is anywhere near, he'll know too. My heart aches at the thought of my Russian eye candy. In my mind's eye, I can see his smile. I can see the way his eyes crinkle slightly when he does. His nose twitching a little. His pearly white teeth. His deep voice in my ear. His airy laugh. His warmth as he puts his arm around me. His lips on mine. His calloused fingers brushing my hair from my face.

I shake my head sharply, forcing the thoughts away. I've tried not to think about him and Lissa since turning. I try not to think about how they are doing, how they are coping with me being gone. If they even care! No, Rose, don't think like that. They do miss you. Right?

Asland nods slowly. "I've got this."

I relax back into the seat, forcing all my negative thoughts away. "Good. Now we play the waiting game."

I made to wait until the sun was up and against the front door before we began moving. Asland and I sneak down the hall quietly. As we near the end of the hall, just passing Mattias' room I stop when I hear voices inside. Asland nearly bumps into me but manages to catch himself.

"What?" He hisses.

I shush him, tip-toeing closer to the door and listening closer.

"-and she's been acting strange ever since," Taylor was saying. "She went missing during the hunt only to show back up at the end? Shady!"

Mattias snorts really loudly. "Control yourself, Taylor. I never said that she was suppose to stay with the group, and she knew that, Taylor. Shut up, you are trying to create an issue from nothing."

Taylor makes a disgruntled noise. "Think about it Mattias," she says pouty, "I've had a bad feeling about her since she showed up. There is something off about her, always have been. Something has to be done about her."

I twist around to see Asland, his eyes are wide. I bet we are both thinking the same thing; she's talking about me. Have I been found out? I'm not exactly sure what would have been found about about me, but perhaps the fact that I let my old man go. Oh, and Pavel. And planning on saving yet another life I should be taking. I am really bad at this whole Strigoi thing.

And yet I had no problem eating humans. Why is that?

"She brought a pet home with her," Taylor continues. Asland and I both tense up. "Something is off about him too. I wonder if they could be working together..."

Holy crap! This psycho bitch knows all the moves I'm going to make before I make them? What the hell? What? Do I think my traitorous plans too loudly? Do I have some kind of look on my face that just screams "I'm going to betray you!"? Because that would just be my luck.

"To do what?" Mattias laughs at the absurdity of it all. "You are barking at your shadow, Taylor, now unless you have something interesting to say, leave me alone."

I don't wait to hear a reply. I grab Asland's arm and led him swiftly down the stairs. When we get to the bottom of the stairs, I hand him the shirt covered stake. At first he was confused but then he unwrapped it and nodded grimly. I reach for the doorknob.

"Is someone up?" I hear a voice from the kitchen. Asland and I both stare at each other with identical looks of shock. I break away from the door and head for the kitchen to see Libby sitting at the table, all the doors covered up with thick black curtains so no light can come through. She's half standing when I fly into the room. I know I look guilty.

"You're awake, Libby?" I say as smoothly as I can, thankfully my voice comes out even. "I didn't know anyone stayed up this late."

Libby lowers herself back to her seat. "I'm on watch." She eyes me suspiciously.

"Ahh," I murmur, trying to think of some reason as to why I'm up so late. Thankfully, I don't have to, the creak of the front door opening is like the fire alarm going off. Libby is on her feet immediately, heading for the door. I get ahead of her, making it seem like I'm just as much into seeing who this is that she is.

But as I head toward him, all I can see is this halo of light engulfing his body. The light reminds me of Lissa. On how, in my eyes, it's like she's always glowing. There is a purity about her that I could never understand. She was so good. She was so wonderful. Spirit covered her body in this beautiful radiance that's iridescent. She turns to look back at me, for I am her shadow, and she smiles.

I step into the warm rays and her kind face twists into one of shock. Her eyes and hair darken, her milky white skin is kissed by the sun through descent and not from the actual sun, and she's no longer Lissa. She's Asland. He did something a Guardian should never do, he looked back at the enemy. I did something that a Strigoi should never do, I stepped into direct sunlight.

Disappearing with Lissa's face, is the warmth. Instead it is replaced with this searing pain that erupts across my body, like I was one of those dancers that at the end would drop into a chair and pull the sting so water would fall over me, except instead of water, it's lava. But that horrible pain is only for a moment before something grabs the back of my shirt and tugs me back into the darkness.

Back where I belong.


	7. Search for Salvation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I'm so sorry for the wait! I was out of town for a few days, but I'm back! Thanks for your reviews! Here is the next installment. There is quite the time jump. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead, the most brilliant woman in the world.
> 
> Warning: Nothing, except maybe language.
> 
> Word Count: 5,352

Mattias was pissed when he found out that my "pet" was gone. He send Hannah out to survey the area, and keep an eye open for any more Dhampir coming back for a surprise attack. This is probably the most Strigoi that I have ever seen him and if I ever joke about how I couldn't take a Strigoi like him seriously, I take it back, I would take that Mattias over this any day.

This Mattias is stomping from one side of the kitchen to the other, steam practically billowing from his ears as he flies from one end of the room to the other, too angry to be able to form words. His eyes are wide and wild, bloodshot. His jaw is working strenuously and occasionally, his mouth would open, snarl something I don't understand, and then snap closed again. He rakes his hand through his hair as all of us girls stare at him, waiting for him to get over his rage.

That's too much to hope for.

"Why?" Mattias snarls, flying toward me. He pins me to the chair by putting his hands on either side of me. His face gets uncomfortably close to mine. "Why would you be so stupid as to let him escape?"

I don't respond. Partly because I'm not sure how to respond to that and the other part is because I don't trust my voice to be convincing. I listen in silence, painfully aware of all the snide remarks sent my way as Mattias rattled through different places that they could stay. He then sent all of us away to get ready, that we would leave as soon as the sun went down. As I closed the door to my room, laying my back against the hard wood, I knew I couldn't go with. Would it have been smart to follow them to see where they would end up going? Yes. But I couldn't do it. Mattias is more concerned with getting out of there instead of killing me. That could change the moment we find shelter and I, for one, do not want to be there for it.

But I can't figure out how to get out of here without losing my head. Surely they'll know that I'm leaving when I run from the house screaming and not going in the same direction that they are. There is a chance I could separate from them while we are out, but there is the chance that I try and slip away only to get caught or am unable to find a safe time to get away before it's too late.

Think, Rose, think. There is a way out of here, I just need to find it.

A knock on the door makes me jump. I jump to my feet and turn, opening the door quickly, hoping and praying it's not Libby ready to take me to my doom. Because, while Mattias was momentarily sidetracked, Libby's eyes didn't leave me until I was out of the room and running to the safety of my room. Even now, though, I wouldn't be surprised if she had carved a hole in my way to glare at me through. But it wasn't Libby outside my door.

It was Gillian.

"Gillian, if you are here to tell me how stupid it was to lose my catch, don't. I don't have time for that," I growl.

The girl with the pixie cut stares at me blandly. "Trust me, Rose, your issues are the last on my list of really giving a fuck right now. Although, I will say, smooth move dumbass, if you were going to let him escape, at least make sure fucking Libby wasn't on duty!" Gillian rolls her eyes. I sputter, trying to find the words but nothing comes. Once again, Gillian surprises me. "But that's not why I'm here," Gillian continues.

I lean against the doorframe, trying to regain my composure. "Okay? So why are you here?"

"You're going to run away, right?" Gillian asks bluntly.

I bulk for a moment before reaching out and yanking her into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I spin around to face her. "Are you some kind of mind reader?"

Gillian stares blankly. "No. I'm here because logically your next move would be to leave. They'll probably kill you once everything calms down." I shake my head. She must be able to read minds. "So, I have a proposition for you. I'll help you get out of here if you take something with you and protect it."

I'm suddenly weary. "And, why would you do that?"

Gillian purses her lips at me. "Well, Rose, since your oh so well planned out escape plan blew up in your face, I need to get my own catch out of here. There is no way I will be able to get him out myself. I don't have the methods, or the brains. So, I need you to do it and the chances you can get both of us is slim. Mattias won't let me take him with, I just know it. He'll expect me to kill him. I can't do that. So, you need to get him out."

"Why does he need to be gotten out at all?" I say, giving her a pointed stare. "Is he important to you?"

For a moment, I knew Gillian was going to lie to me. The way her face scrunched up, she opened her mouth, but then the lines in her face smoothed out and she looked defeated. Something happened. She must of convinced herself that lying to me wasn't going to get her what she wanted. "You could say that," she says evasively. I just stare back at her, waiting. Finally, she gives in. "Yes. He is. Now, will you get him out or not?"

"Before I commit to anything, who is it?"

Gillian moves passed me and opens the door. "This way," she murmurs, heading down the hall to her room. I follow her in and stop when I see the young Moroi man sitting on her bed staring outside. The bit of sunlight peaking through over his face. His already white-blond hair glowing even lighter in the light. He turns to look at us, not really seeing us before looking away, his head snaps back sharply, blinking between me and Gillian.

He's tense for a moment, eyes on me, before hesitantly lowering the thick curtain over the window, eliminating the only other light source other than the dim ceiling light. He takes his eyes off me for a moment to look at Gillian, before flickering back to me. His lips part and his hands raise, making rapid strange gestures.

"Is this the Strigoi you spoke of?" he asks, voice strange. It's thick and sounding from the back of his throat. I can barely understand him.

"Yes," Gillian says, walking over to him, her hands also moving. "This is Rose Hathaway. She was Guardian before all of this. She's Shadow-Kissed too."

"Wait, what?" I say. "Is he...? Is he deaf?"

Gillian looks over at me. "Yes."

"And what did you mean by 'too'?"

"I mean," Gillian says, hands moving as if automatic. "That you are not the only Shadow-Kissed Strigoi I've met."

My eyes flicker over to the male Moroi, him looking between the two of us. Gillian is facing away, toward me, so he's reading her hands, while he has plain view of my lips. I point to him. "And how do you know this guy?"

She shrugs a shoulder. It's the Moroi that answers, "She was dating my sister before all of this." He makes a gesture around us. My eyebrows shoot up.

"Oh," I say. The noise just escapes me without my consent. I pull all of my hair over one shoulder, just to do something to distract me for a minute. I'm not homophobic in the slightest, it just came out. I look back up at Gillian, attempting to salvage this conversation. "That's cool. So what do you mean by I'm not the first Shadow-Kissed Strigoi you've met?"

Gillian shakes her head. "Uh-huh." She smiles a little. "Don't worry about offending me."

"Sorry," I say. "Now, the Shadow-Kissed Strigoi?"

Gillian crosses her arms over her chest for a moment, before remembering that we aren't the only two in the room, like I did. She brings her hand back up to continue signing for the Moroi. "That doesn't matter right now, Rose. What matters is that you get him out of here."

"This probably should of been my first question; but who is he? I don't even know his name," I say, crossing my own arms.

"I'm Bentley Myers." His hands move really fast. I'm not sure why I keep staring at his hands, especially since I know that I can't read sign language. But his movements, while incomprehensible to me, is still slightly hypnotizing. His movements are elegant and smooth. It takes all of my will power to pull my eyes away from his hands to look at Gillian.

"How am I suppose to get both myself and him out of here without anyone knowing?" I ask. "What's the plan?"

Gillian turns to Bentley. "Alright, you tell her."

Bentley drops his hands, figuring he doesn't need to use them with me, considering that I have no idea what any of them mean. "I am a Spirit user." I open my mouth, a quirky remark about how Spirit users are literally crawling out of the woodwork but it doesn't seem important or witty enough for now. "I am able to create protective barriers with my Spirit."

I stare at him, wondering if I'm hearing him right. "Protective barriers? As in, you can't protect... people and things with some kind of Spirit barrier?"

Bentley nods. "I would be able to protect you from the sunlight."

I'm suddenly very weary. I shift all my weight to one hip. "I'm not so sure that I'm comfortable with this idea. Especially considering that one little mistake could end up turning me into a hot pocket. Scorching hot on the outside, trying in vein to protect my cold, lifeless soul on the inside." I shake my head. "It won't though. Because then it will seep right into my cold soul and burn it to a crisp."

Gillian rolls her eyes. "That's Rose for you. Now, trust me, he's good. He can do it."

I nod solemnly. "Okay, so, how about no."

"Rose, don't be such a baby," Gillian says.

I snort loudly, throwing a glare her way. "Rose Hathaway is anything but a baby!" I huff out. Gillian's eyes sparkle mischievously.

Gillian walks over and sits on the bed, her hands still moving as she talks, "Oh, by anything, do you mean, like... I don't know... a scaredy cat?" She raises her eyebrows high.

I almost hocked a loogie half way across the room with my loud scoff. "I am not a scaredy cat! If anything, I'm like... a rottweiler. A mean, vicious rottweiler that can kick your 110 pound ass." I narrow my eyes at her.

"My ass isn't that heavy," Gillian says simply. "Now, trust me. I believe in Bentley. He'll be able to get you out of here. I swear it." She holds her hand up in a very 'scouts honor' way.

"Says the girl who doesn't have to go out into daylight with only the power of Spirit to protect her," I say sourly. I look at Bentley feeling a little bad. "I'm sorry Bentley, it's not you, it's me. I'll die in the sunlight. I'm not so sure I'm willing to take that risk at this particular moment in time."

Bentley smiles faintly. "I understand, but it is the only thing I can think of."

"What if I die?" I ask, roughly stroking my hair over my shoulder. "This escape attempt is to get out of dying not change the amount of blood I have when I do!"

Gillian stares at me blankly. "Rose, it's this or nothing! I need you to get him out of here safely. If there was any other way to go about this that might have even the slightest chance of success, don't you think I would consider it?"

"I don't know," I snap, "Would you? And besides, this plan... I call it project Snow-balls-chance-in-hell. I am the snowball, not because I'm pasty white now but because my heart is surrounded by ice and there," I point toward the window. "Out there, I mean, is hell. Literal hell. I will burn up faster than a blink of eye. It'll be embarrassing."

"I can do it," Bentley says assuredly. "Trust me."

Gillian nods. "He can do it. Now go, grab what you need. Dress to cover as much skin as you can. It'll help Bentley out if he doesn't have to protect all of your body. So, yeah."

I nod, still a little worried. The thought of burning into a crisp in the sunlight isn't exactly fun. So, I slip out of Gillian's room, mind racing on how exactly I'm going to be getting out of this, but I can't think of anything. How do I know that I can trust this Moroi to be able to protect me, a Strigoi? It just makes no sense to me. He was weary before, but he seemed so relaxed with us. I mean I get that Gillian used to be his sister's girlfriend but that wouldn't make him relaxed in dealing with me. And what is this about another Shadow-Kissed turned Strigoi?

Something really fishy is going on here and I need to know what. But first, I have to get out of here and if Bentley and his Spirit shield are the only way... well, then I've lived a short but fulfilling life.

Mostly.

I slip on jeans, Lissa's boots, a red tank top with my black leather jacket and at the last minute, slip on a lame baseball cap and a black scarf I found in the hallway that probably belonged to one of the other girls. Hopefully they won't notice it's missing until long after I'm gone. Or never at all, preferably. Now with only my face, hands and a bit of my neck being the only pieces of flesh revealed, I think I covered a good portion of my body.

I pack a small backpack with my meager belongings. Another shirt and pants. Abe's phone. Hairbrush I bummed off one of the girls. Staring down at my half full backpack, I'm a little sad. A lot of my personal belongings were left at Gerard's house. I wonder if we would be able to make a pit-stop there as a resting place. I'm sure Gerard and the rest of them haven't returned so it should be as it was left. Hopefully. Unless that was the first place Abe went and in that case, damn it. I'll probably never get that stuff back.

Besides, something tells me that I have a greater chance of getting that stuff back from Abe. I bet anything, he went and got my stuff back for me. Damn! I run my hand through my hair, smoothing it down. I forgot to ask Gillian and Bentley where the hell I was suppose to be taking him. All I know is that I have to get him out. But to where am I taking him? Damn, it hasn't even been that long and already I'm slipping in my Guardian duties.

I reach up and touch the dopey smile on my lips. It's like I was drowning in the ocean and just suddenly thrown a life raft. And that life raft comes in the form of a deaf Moroi boy. I'm going to be protecting a Moroi again. Once the thought settles in, I shift easily into Guardian. I begin sifting through my meager belongings looking for something to use as a weapon.

A part of me wished I hadn't given Asland the only stake in the house, but then I remembered that I'm Strigoi and that's a really stupid thought. But even if I can't use a stake, I would feel better having one near. I would probably give it to Bentley. Now it's not super-duper strange for a Moroi to protect themselves when they have a perfectly good Guardian looking out for them. Thankfully, I am not a Guardian.

And just like that, my mood tanked.

Once everything is is in it's place, I sneak out of my room and down to the kitchen. The room is silent. Everyone is going around through their stuff, finding what to take and what to leave. I grab a dish towel that was probably left here by the previous owner before this house was turned into Strigoi home base. I head for the basement. I turn on the light at the top of the stairs, staring down into the darkness. I haven't been down there since I was turned. I have to know. I had my stake on me when I fought Mattias, what if I still had it when I was turned?

It's wishful thinking and an unbelievably long shot, but something I'm willing to check out. I go down nasty, rickety old stairs until I reach the bottom, open the door there and go into a very dark room. It's familiar, but strange from this point of view. This was the room I was held in before being turned. I wanted to think that I might have had my stake on me, somehow even though I know I didn't have it when Mattias knocked me out, and that when they checked me, they wouldn't have taken it off and thrown it into the nearest pothole into hell.

I walk around the small room. There are chains on the ceiling that are made to hold up prey. Or girls that Mattias deems is good enough to become one of his band of merry-women. There is a couple of candles around the room, which sickens me unsurprisingly, until my eyes land on a door directly behind me. It's not really a door. It's one of those miniature crawl spaces. Only about three feet tall and five or six feet deep. And it's filled with old things. Like clothes and jewelry and shoes. Probably from people who were killed before me.

A sudden thought occurs to me. I reach in and start pulling everything out. I chuck shoes and clothes behind me. Men. Women. None of it matter, until I get to the very end and find Guardian garbs. Libby is too smart a person to be dealing with Strigoi and not have a stake laying around the house. I bet anything, it's for the humans that Mattias keeps around. I bet Libby gives them all a little bit of training with the stake, how to maneuver and get away from it for when they turn. She's way to smart not to have people with some form of skill to be the outermost layer of protection for Mattias.

With the dish towel, I reach in and grab the stake, quickly wrapping it up and hiding it under my jacket. If my shirt rides up and the towel unravels a little, I'm going to get the burn of my life. I don't even consider trying to hide what I've done. I need to get out of here. I race up the door, only stopping the quietly shutting the door at the top of the stairs to at least try and not make it really obvious.

I head up to the top floor and knock lightly on Gillian's door. She answers with a curt, "Are you ready?"

I nod. "Let's go." In the time it takes for Bentley to make his way over to the door, I've ran back to my room and grabbed my own backpack and returned to get him. I don't give them a chance to really say goodbye. I drag him down the stairs by his wrist. He must be signing goodbye with the other but thankfully that takes up no time at all. We stop in front of the door and I stop to listen to the sounds of the house. I can hear people moving around but so far, no one has come running out, screaming about me trying to escape.

"How do you do this?" I say to him. "How are you going to protect me?"

Bentley doesn't respond. I turn around slowly to snarl at him but stop when I see his eyes on my lips. He's waiting for me to speak. He didn't hear my question. This is going to be harder than I thought.

After I repeat my question Bentley looks slightly pensive. He smiles sweetly. "You're going to have to trust me."

So when I let Asland go earlier, this was no how I imagined would be the seeing eye Strigoi for a Moroi who's eyes have rolled up into his head. Around us is a shimmering aura. We walk around in open daylight like it's nothing. I mean, other than 130 pound growth I have in my arms. I walk him down the street, keeping my eyes open for people passing by. There are a few people milling around outside but it's entering the early evening and people are now starting to return home from their jobs.

Bentley's eyes are wide open, but only the whites of his eyes show. It was like some kind of horror movie. As the world started to shimmer around us and he twitched a little bit until his eyes rolled up into his head. My stomach is usually lined with steel, but even I bulked a little at the sight and the small, humane part of me that exterminates the unnatural died a little inside.

I hold tightly to his arm and lead him down the street, not really sure where to go. I look over my shoulder to see the house that I've been hustling away from is slowly getting smaller. I turn down a street and keep going. As far as I know, no one knows I'm gone yet. I wonder if Gillian will be okay. They have no way of knowing that she was helping me, but they also know that out of everyone in the house, she is the one I'm closest with. I hope none of them think about the fact that she no longer has a "pet".

My eyes drag upward toward the sky and I'm amazed at being in the light as a Strigoi. It hasn't been so long since my last bout with sunlight, but here I am, walking around like it's nothing. But it's not nothing. This isn't a pleasure stroll.

I look over at Bentley, his face is stoic and calm but his hands are trembling and the sun is getting to him. We haven't even made it that far and he's already looking overwhelmed and tired. As bad as I feel pushing him so hard, I know for both our sakes I need to get him as far away from that house as possible. I didn't want to really think about the implications, but he came here with Abe. That means that one way or another, I was suppose to meet this boy. I bet, Abe's intention was to bring him here to save me.

And now here I am, saving his life. Score one for Rose and none for Abe.

As it draws closer to night time, I pull Bentley into a mom and pop shop and into the far back corner, far away from any windows. After we are both seated and Bentley is panting from exhaustion, I shake him until the shimmer leaves us and his dark brown eyes roll back into place. I shiver a little at the action before shaking it off. When the waitress comes by I order us both water.

She crinkles her mouth a little in annoyance until Bentley turns to her, still tired, and signs while speaking, "Thank you very much, Miss. I deeply appreciate it." That shut up her nasty look quick. She mumbled something and rushed off.

I wait until she's gone before turning back to Bentley. "Are you okay?"

He nods. "Just a little winded. I'll be fine. I just need a few minutes to relax and then I'll be fine."

I stare at his hands as he settles them down onto the table. "Why do you keep signing? I can't understand sign language."

He smiles faintly, exhaustion lines appearing on his young and youthful face. "I'm sorry about that. It's just something that happens. I'm so used to doing it, that it happens without me really thinking about it." His smile turns apologetic as he lowers his rapidly moving hands to the table in front of him.

The waitress gives us the water and we both sip in silence. After a few, long minutes, I finally ask him where he needs to be going.

"I don't know, just out of town. I know how to get back home just fine. I need protection for a few hours, then you are free to go, Rose. Thank you," he says. He runs his hand through his feathery white-blond hair. We kill almost forty-five minutes in silence, just looking around the room. I stare out the window, watching as the world out there slowly gets darker.

I finally stand when I think that the sun will be sufficiently hidden behind the buildings to be much of a worry, I finally lead us out of the shop, without having bought anything, much to the waitress's annoyance.

It's bearable enough that I can skirt around the light patches that trickle through the buildings until we get to a bus station. I turn to him very slowly. Bentley has been following me faithfully like a puppy since we left the shop. He's been following me through each detour I've taken. I've kept my eye on the area, wondering if Mattias and the others will just suddenly show up but, thankfully they've kept in doors until nightfall. Or they went the opposite way of us when they raced out of the house looking for us.

Either way, we are safe for now.

"Do you have money for a fare?" I ask.

Bentley nods. "I do. Thank you. Do you need some?" He makes for his pocket but I shake my head.

"Don't worry about it. Go, get your ticket. I'll look out for you until you get onto the bus. Then I'll head out. So, go on," I nod toward the station. Bentley hesitates, looking like he may just offer me money anyway but seemed to of thought better of it and makes his way into the station. I wait for him outside, like a good Guardian, and right before he leaves to get onto his bus -to where? I didn't ask- I inquire about what Gillian meant by another Shadow-Kissed Strigoi. Who was the other person like me?

Bentley stood there for a long moment as the few other people got onto the bus before him. He chewed on his lower lip before finally sighing and looking me in the eye. Unable to control himself, his hand comes up and he signs to me. "I'm not at liberty to say. All I can say is that you have to be careful. There is bigger players at work here and if they figure out that Mattias lost you, more will come looking. Protected behind seals and walls and an army of Guardians and Moroi, you are the only one who can get to Queen Vasilisa."

"What do you mean?" I snap, reaching out and grabbing his arm tightly. He flinches, I'm hurting him, but I can't stop. He's talking about someone hurting Lissa. I'm a Strigoi, I shouldn't care. But I do. And I'm pissed. "Who's going to hurt Lissa?"

Bentley shakes his head but makes no move to pull his arm from my grip. The bus driver calls for him to hurry. I let Bentley go and he steps up onto the first stair on the bus before looking back at me. "I don't know much, Rose, but what I do know is that you have an ally in Gillian. She's helping you because of who you remind her of. Queen Vasilisa needs you, Rose. You have to protect her. You're the only one who can." With that, Bentley signs the universal sign for farewell, a single, sad wave of the hand. The bus roars to life and leaves.

And I'm left there, alone.

In the warmth of the day, I swore to myself I wouldn't do again what I did my last day at Gerard's. I found my way out of town and headed east, toward Pennsylvania for days. On the road. Walking. I'm in Des Moines, Iowa, downtown when the sun comes up almost two weeks later. I hold up in this shady underground parking structure to hide from the sun. And there, I did the thing that I promised myself I wouldn't do.

I plugged in my phone to charge, after it being dead for practically the entire time I've had it, because I got it partially charged with no cord or anything, so I charmed a charger off of some guy from the phone store. I plugged it in for the first time and hid in a corner of the little building that has the elevator that leads up to all the floors and hide from the rising sun. I wrap my arms around my legs and close my eyes.

The images comes to me immediately. The thread that connects Lissa's brain to mine. We are closer now, not nearly as far away as before, but there is still a lot of miles that separate us. I follow the thread all the way to Lissa, connecting my mind to hers and stepping into it. I'm leaving my own body, floating across the distance, which seems so short now, and stepping into hers.

My heart rate climbs until it's pounding so loudly in my ears. Like a big drum thumping next to me in an erratic beat. Boom. Boom. Boom. I wonder for a moment if I should stop, pull back. But I don't I push forward because my heart isn't racing for the sake of racing. It's Lissa's heart that's racing. It's like a light tower pointed out at sea, silently beckoning wayward boats home. Lissa is my light tower.

I open my eyes and I am inside of Lissa's mind.


	8. Finding Abe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Hey everyone! Sorry for the wait! I kinda lost my way with this story, losing a bit of the kick that I started this story with. I still want to write it, just kind of lost it a bit. I know, that's no excuse! I'm sorry! I'll try harder! This one is probably one of - if not the longest - chapter for this story. So, thanks for hanging on with me! T.T Thanks for all of your support and reviews! Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead, the most brilliant woman in the world.
> 
> Warning: Nothing, except maybe language.
> 
> Word Count: 5,861

Lissa is in the throne room, staring down at some Guardians. Her mood is resting cosily in hell. She couldn't be more down in the dumps. But it has nothing to do with what the reporting Guardians are saying. If anything she is only half listening to their words. I can sense my best friend's unease. Her blatant unhappiness. Just as easily as I would be able to tell my own. She nods and sends them away. She watches as they leave the room.

Lissa puts her hand on her forehead, groaning quietly. In her mind's eye she can see me. Laughing and joking and it feels weird. It's like I'm staring at an entirely different person. It's strange to see myself through her eyes. I look almost beautiful. It's like all the wonderful things I see... or saw... in Lissa, is the same thing that she sees in me. The way she smiles, how her hubby makes her feel, it's all right there. Lissa didn't need a bond like I did with her to know. She can see how happy Dimitri made me and she loved seeing me happy too.

She shakes her head. Wanting to rub her face, but remembers at the last moment about the make-up on her face and just drops her hand onto her lap. After a few, droll moments of silence, Lissa finally climbs to her feet, feeling tired and exhausted. Almost like just sitting there through that boring recap of boring daily activities is enough to suck her dry of any energy that she had.

Lissa's feet take her to the courtyard, it's considered late night for the vampire world, the sun is coming up. She stands out in the middle of the yard, closing her eyes and listening to the sounds of the rest of the world going to sleep. The sunlight isn't quite unbearable yet. It doesn't help her much in her energy slump but when she closes her eyes and wraps her arms around herself she imagines me.

It's like when we were on the run in the academy. When the two of us had to adjust to the human schedule. I wouldn't think back on those times necessarily as fondly but it was a somewhat more simpler time. I was ignorant to a lot in the world. There was still so much that wasn't on my radar, wasn't a possibility in my life back then.

Like the possibility that I would be a Strigoi at some point in my life. The threat of Strigoi was always real, was alway prevalent in our every day lives, but never had I considered that one day I would be on that side. That I would be fighting a horrible, fruitless battle to maintain some part of my humanity.

I am not even all that sure I understand myself what is going on with me. I feel different, I feel as I would expect to feel now that I'm not longer Dhampir, but at the same time, there is like this weight on my chest and shoulders, hanging from my neck. It's like it's holding me down... almost anchoring me to my former life. Like I don't have the same willingness as all the Strigoi before me to forsaken that part of myself.

Where there are some liberties that I enjoy now as a Strigoi, such as enhanced speed and strength, they don't outweigh the drawbacks in my eyes. Where that bothers me greatly, others don't seem to notice. Is it because I'm a new Strigoi? Or is because of my still lingering connection to Lissa?

I am pulled from my thoughts when someone calls out to Lissa.

"Hey, somehow I knew I would find you out here," a very familiar voice says from behind the young Queen. Lissa doesn't turn around, she only raises her arms up slightly to let his arms slip around her waist. She turns her head to kiss Christian Ozera's cheek before looking forward again. "How are you doing?" He asks softly, breath warm against the side of her neck.

Lissa leans back against the comforting weight. "I'm sad," she says. She doesn't have to elaborate. And she knows that Christian would feel silly for asking. It's obvious why she's sad.

That's when I feel it. The darkness swirling around Lissa. It's far greater than the last time I saw her. Her depression is feeding it, making it harder for me to pull the darkness from her. An action that has just become natural to me. She's spiraling. It's getting harder for her to see the good in life. Spirit is sucking the life out of her. It's pulling her into this deep dark abyss that I'm not confident she can pull herself out of it.

Lissa shakes her head, forcing the darkness away a bit. She turns to look over her shoulder at the protective shadow that was looking out over Christian. Something twists painfully in my gut at the sight of him.

Dimitri looks worn out and exhausted. He looks like he hasn't slept well in way too long. He has dark circles under his eyes and his skin look slightly paler. He's made up professionally, but there is something about him that just looks worn out. I don't know how I to explain it. Just looking at him, I can see that something is weighing heavily on him. I try not to think about it, that it's me that is the reason that he's so...

I don't know the word. He just looks like... like he's lost his will power. Like there is no feeling in him anymore. Like he's just some sort of empty husk. He's not my Dimitri under the surface. He's just a shell. A painful dagger of despair twists in my gut. It's because I screwed up and got caught by the Strigoi that he's like this. And I have to wonder if I looked anything like that when he was a Strigoi.

I have to wonder what's wrong with us to be acting like this zombies after losing each other. If that's not fierce dedication to one another, I don't know what is. We are either really meant for each other or really bad for each other. I'm not sure if I want to know the answer to that. For some reason, we melt into ourselves like an ice cube into water, without the other. For some unknown reason we have such a dependence on each other, that without, it's like nothing else matters.

When I lost Dimitri, I forsaken my chances of being with Lissa as her Guardian just to chase him down because of a promise we made each other. For some reason that reigned supreme over my desire to protect Lissa. A man I had only known a few months became so important... I just don't know what to think. I know it should be wrong, but I don't want the dedication we had for one another to stop. I'm not even upset that he isn't out looking for me. I'm relieved that he has a little bit more control over himself than I do.

Dimitri always was the one who knew how to handle himself. It was something that I had admired him for, and something that drove me insane a little bit. But I'm happy. Happy that he's still there, protecting Lissa and Christian. That is what means most to me. So long as their safe, I don't mind sitting around watching Lissa be happy so long as she's alive. So long as she's under no threat of me hurting her. I wouldn't mind protecting her from a distance. It is something that Guardians have to accept.

But looking at Dimitri just breaks both mine and Lissa's heart. Dimitri is so sad, so... not himself. He tries hard to hide it, but Lissa has noticed the steady decline in my Russian eye candy's health and even will power. She wishes that she could do something to help him but all of his free time is spent alone in his and my room. Lissa doesn't know how to help him.

"Dimitri..." Lissa says, wanting nothing more than to just take the pain, so obvious in his dark eyes, away.

For a moment, Dimitri just stares back at her, as if her voice didn't fully register, before he bows his head a little and says, "My Queen?"

Lissa's eyebrows pull together. "Are you okay? Do you... do you need to take some time off?"

He shakes his head, staring back at Lissa was dark, emotionless eyes. "No need, my queen. I'm fine. I'm just doing my job. Please don't concern yourself with my needs."

Lissa presses her lips tightly together, wanting to tell him that she does concern herself. His health and his happiness means a lot to her. To see him working his hardest to suffer in silence. To not let it be completely obvious that he's in pain. But Lissa can see it and it breaks her heart. It hurts to see the person that I held so dear so upset and broken up inside because of me. Lissa just doesn't know how to make him feel better. She doesn't know how to make herself feel better.

"It's getting late," Christian says after a long moment of silence. "Why don't we go back inside?"

Lissa looks out over the courtyard one last time, not all that sure she knows what she wants to see but whatever it is, she doesn't see it. She bids a silent goodbye to the daylight, before following Christian inside, Dimitri following silently at their heels.

I pull myself back into my own body. I open my eyes and look around the parking garage, watching as humans get up and start their day. I get a few weird looks but thankfully no one approaches me. Once the majority of the garage is devoid of cars and human life, I close my eyes again, bringing my knees to my chest. I grab Abe's phone, it's almost half charged. I hit the power button and hold it until it turns on.

As the phone wakes up, a barking laugh escapes me at the fifteen missed calls. It's all the same number and I have no doubt that it's Abe trying to get into contact with me. There is also fifty-seven unread texts. A lot of them are really shady things. Like, "the package is ready" and "Bart is looking for you". But then there is a bunch of texts from the number I'm assuming is Abe's.

Most of those consist of "Call me" and "Rose, call me" and "Don't ignore me, Rose, call back" that only reinforces my belief that it's Abe. I shake my head and then text back, "Are you sleeping, old man?"

I lay the phone down next to me and wrap my arms around my legs, resting my chin on my knee. I close my eyes and start to drift to sleep when the phone vibrates next to me. I reach over and grab it, the bright screen making me flinch. I read with one open the eye, the other squinted closed. It's a response from Abe. "Where have you been, Rose? I've been trying to reach you!"

"You gave me a phone half dead with no charger. I finally got my hands on one. Sorry." I lay the phone down next to me and just sat there, watching it.

A minute later, the screen lights up again with Abe's response. "Can I call you now? Are you free?"

"Sure." I send back and then cradle the phone in my hand and wait. Not even a minute later it lights up again with a call from the number. I pick it up, putting the phone to my ear. "Is today Christmas? Getting a call from my superhero father! Mommy said that you left to save the day! How's that going?"

I can practically hear Abe roll his eyes. "Now, now, Rosemarie, you know a busy man's job is never done." I find a bit of comfort in the familiar thick Turkish accent that could only be Abe's.

I shake my head. "Speaking of jobs; you have a lot of shady ass text messages."

Abe hums on the other side. "Oh yeah? Shipments done with?" He sounds amused.

I snort, shifting a little to get into a more comfortable position. "Sure, and some guy named Bart is looking for you."

There is a moment of silence, then, "How old is that text?"

My eyebrows pull together. "I don't know. A week, maybe?" I sit up a little bit, narrowing my eyes. "Why?"

There is a another stretch of silence. I pull the phone away to look at it to make sure I didn't somehow drop the call. I put it back to my ear and open my mouth, about to ask him if he was still there, when he says, "Do me a favor, will you? Turn the GPS off on that, alright?"

I pull the phone away and stare at it, as if it would suddenly be able to make this entire conversation make sense. I put it back to my ear again, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. "What? What the hell is that? Do I need to worry about my life?"

"Not at all," Abe says. "Just do that favor for me." A pause, then, "And avoid strangers."

"Abe!"

"Never mind that, are you okay? Where are you?" Abe asks.

I run a hand through my dark hair. "I'm in Iowa. I was heading to Court but now I think that was a really stupid thing to do. I don't even know what to do."

"Where in Iowa, Rose? Iowa is a big place."

"Not as big as Texas, or Florida," I say, smiling. I hear a soft sigh on the other side. Not exactly annoyed. If anything, it's a bit relieved. It makes me a little happy to hear that he and I can still joke around like we used to. It's a bit strange when I think about it. Somehow my anchor to my old life is my old man. Out of all the people in my life, somehow it's Abe that's the only thing solidly tethering me to who I used to be.

"Rosemarie, do you really think now is the time to be playing around?" Abe asks, not sounding too annoyed or upset.

I shrug, even though I know he can't see it. "If Al Capone is out looking for me, joking around might just be my legacy. You are really going to ask me to give that up after my days are already numbered?"

Abe scoffs on the other line. "Where in Iowa are you?"

"I'm in downtown Des Moines," I tell him, shifting a bit more to get into a more comfortable position. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to come get you. I'll call you again when I get into Des Moines. Do not leave, Rosemarie, I will be there in a few days," Abe says. "Stay close to your phone. I mean it, Rose."

"I will."

Abe hums, pleased at me being compliant. "Good. I'll be there in a few days. And Rose?"

"Yeah, Abe?" I say, running another hand through my hair, working the tangles out without much care.

"Turn off the GPS on that phone. I'll call you when I get there, but I'll be texting you so stay close," Abe says again.

I groan. "I'm not ten, I got it. And don't tell me to not talk to strangers, I already know that. Now, whatever you're doing, do it. I won't move. I don't exactly have anything else to do or anywhere else to go. I'll stick around."

There is a long pause and I think Abe heard the strange... almost lost sound in my voice. I heard it myself. I didn't mean to make it sound like that, it just happened. A long sigh escapes me. I stretch, cracking my spine. I settle back in place and rub the back of my neck. After the silence stretched on for almost a minute, I finally lean back against the wall behind me.

"I'm going to go, okay, Abe? Text me later, then," I say and then hang up, not sure I want to hear his goodbye. I can't understand why. I never got to really say goodbye to the people in my life. I shake my head, it's all too weird. It's not me. Next time I see him...I have to act a lot more Rose-like. I need to be a really big wise-ass. I need to up the ante for my wise-ass-ery. I really got to blow myself away with just how witty I am, next time. Perhaps something like that will make me feel better, more like myself.

True to my word, I keep my phone near me and respond to all of his texts over the next couple of days. I move around downtown hopping from one sheltered back alley to the next garage complex. I try to keep the hunting to a minimum. I try not to hunt good people, only the filth of the universe, but surprisingly there isn't as much there as I would have thought. Not that Des Moines strikes me as a town of trash and filth, but still, I just assumed bad people are everywhere. Maybe if they are in Des Moines, they are smart enough to avoid dark places at night.

During today's phone call, Abe mentioned that he would be in town around human noon today so I have about twelve hours until then. I have absolutely no idea where he's been but I'm just relieved that he will be here with me and be able to tell me what to do next. Ever since I left Mattias and his band of merry women, I've been sort of making my way to Court, but I have no reason to.

I'm not a Dhampir, I shouldn't want to go there. I'm not even a Moroi. I'm Strigoi and it's considered Strigoi suicide to go there. Court is filled to the brim with Moroi, a good portion of which are starting to learn how to use their powers against Strigoi, and some of the best Dhampir Guardians. I'm completely crazy for making my way over to Court. I'm not even sure what I thought that would accomplish. I'm not normal. I'm not Rose-normal. I'm Strigoi-Rose. Not the Rose I want to be.

I walk through the bright lit streets. A couple walks by me, laughing about some movie that they just saw. I pull the black leather jacket tighter around myself, but not because of the cold. It feels as if someone is watching me. I stop in the middle of the sidewalk, a man bumps into me from behind. He snaps something about me needing to not stop while in the middle of sidewalk before shoving around me and keeps going. I look around me, at all the people walking around. Someone is definitely watching me. I would never have made it this far in my life if I didn't learn to follow my gut.

My eyes run over the crowded streets. I saw something that seemed so insignificant, a man, talking on a pay phone, turned half away from me. I kept looking on, passed him when I realized that, while he was turned away from me, his eyes were focused on me. I look around a bit more, making it appear as though I don't know who's watching me, and then turn, tilting my head down and walking further down the street. I reach a four-way intersection and stop, using this moment to check to see that the pay phone man is no longer at the pay phone, he's just across the street, peaking in at a lit up shop's window.

I cross the street and walk down that side of the street. Once I reach the most deserted street I can get to at 12:30 at night, I duck into the nearest back alley. I hide in the shadow. I wait in silence, with bated breath. I strain my enhanced hearing trying to locate the smooth, nearly silent footsteps, edging closer and closer to my position. I knew it, he is following me.

As soon as his rapidly beating heart is right next to me, on the other side of the wall, I pounce. I spin around to the other side of the wall and wrap my hand around his throat and shoving him hard against the wall. As soon as my hand touches his flesh, as soon as his scent reaches my nose, I knew. This man was a Dhampir. Whereas I would have no idea as Dhampir myself.

"You either are very, very naive or very, very stupid," I snarl, pressing myself tight against him, glaring up into his dark eyes.

He stares down at me, lips pressing together into a thin line. "Strigoi," he says quietly, eyes wide.

"Dhampir," I growl, blinking at him slowly. "So which is it? Stupid or naive? Or is it a little bit of both?"

He swallows thickly, Adam's apple bobbing a bit. I watch the motion for a moment, feeling my mouth fill with saliva. I quickly divert my eyes, forcing down the hot wave of hunger that clenched my throat. I take a few moments to force down the hungry.

"You are a real living, breathing, Strigoi!" The man says, as if astounded. His eyes are wide.

I groan, pulling back, letting him fall back flat on his feet. The man reaches up and rubs the spot where I was pinning him to the wall. I turn away, running a hand through my hair. "I'm being stalked by a moron," I sigh. I make my way down the street. I can't believe a Dhampir would be stupid enough to act like that in front of a Strigoi. If I was anyone else, or at the very least a better Strigoi, things would have ended a lot more different than they are.

I feel an angry growl escape me when I hear the heavy footsteps come up behind me. I spin around and deck him as hard as I possibly can without breaking his jaw. He flies back a couple of feet before hitting the concrete hard. I close the distance between us and kneel over his prone body. He's on his side, groaning in pain, holding onto the injured side of his face. He looks up at me with dark eyes as I glare down at him.

"Listen up, dumbass, next time you meet a Strigoi on the street; run. Because I can almost guarantee that they will break your neck for being as idiotic as you've been. If that Strigoi turns out to be me..." I shake my head. "You had just better hope that your luck doesn't turn out to be that bad. Get me? Now leave me alone or so help me." I glare down at him a moment longer, before straightening up and continuing on my way.

It wasn't until I was about a block away, readjusting the strap on my backpack, that I really stopped to think about what just happened. What the hell was wrong with that guy? Obviously he was a Dhampir with training, or at least preliminary knowledge of our lives, and for some reason, he approached me like an eager ten year old meeting his childhood hero for the first time. Not the full grown, possibly mid to late 20's year old man that he appeared to be. Something about him was just unmistakably off about his attitude.

The thought makes me stop and tilt my head. Is he one of those people who hear and learn about Strigoi and have some kind of fascination with them that they end up doing what they can to become one? Like Christian Ozera's parents and Hannah? Or to get away from the pain and madness that was threatening to consume them? Like Sonya Karp? No, I can't concern myself with the delusions of a crazy Dhampir man.

I cast a look over my shoulder into the darkness of the night. I look around, wondering if he was crazy enough to keep following me. But there isn't anyone around out there. Either I managed to get away before he could collect himself, or he finally got a little bit of sense come to him.

Turning back around, I keep walking around aimlessly, no longer in the mood to feed tonight. In fact, I search for my next home for the night - I end up going to a hotel, the first real splurging I've done since I left Mattias's care - and take my first bath in too long. As a Strigoi, I hardly sweat and have hardly any oder. It's so faint I can barely notice it. But I enjoy soaking in the tub with my hair all pulled up into a messy bun with the water as hot as humanly possible. I can feel the warmth as if I was wrapped up in a warm blanket. It's the perfect amount of heat for my chilled body. I lean back and relax, closing my eyes.

Abe should be here in a couple of hours - human noon - to pick me up, hopefully well aware that I'll sizzle away to nothing if he's not prepared for the sun, to take me to who knows where. Whenever I asked him where we were going to go after he picked me up he refused to answer. He did that typical Abe thing where he mockingly reassured me that we were going somewhere safe and that I didn't need to worry, which only made me worry more. To be honest, the last thing I was to do is be taken to his secret American Branch hide out where he does his illegal dealings and breaks knee caps.

The corner of my mouth quirks up a bit at the thought of Abe recruiting me to be part of his shady ass business. No longer would he need Povel and Asland to break people's knee caps when I could do it with half the effort and then drink their blood afterward. Would I suffer from a guilty consciousness if I figured out that they were just good people who trusted the wrong kind of man? Yes, but in all honesty; I have no where else to go. I'm lucky that Mattias hasn't sent Libby after me yet. And if he has, I'm lucky she hasn't found me yet.

Thinking about it now, I bet Libby is vicious. I hadn't given much thought of it when I was in the same house as her, but thinking about it now, I know she is dangerous. Her loyalty to Mattias is fierce and unwavering, but I never really thought of just how fierce it could be. If Mattias is to her as Lissa is - er, was - to me, then that loyalty could have only gotten more powerful as she changed into a Strigoi. She did it, without a doubt, to protect him. And I'm betting that she, and I mean the real Libby, not the one that just sits back and watches all of us with cold, distant eyes. I mean the Libby that would protect Mattias to her very last breath would go to hell and back for him. A thousand times over. I bet she would go and stand in the bright noon sun if he had asked her to.

It's with that thought that I have to wonder; would I be able to say the same for myself and Lissa? If she were to have turned Strigoi instead of me, would I have been able to follow her? Would I have been able to stay as loyal and comfortable in my place as a peon at her side when technically we were now equals as Libby did? I mean, I know to Lissa I am her best friend, there is no such thing as status between us, but still...

The thought leaves a strange pain in my chest.

I finally climb out of the tub and pull the plug, letting the water drain out. I quickly put on the nice complimentary bath robe, plucking my dirty clothes from the ground, and walk into the bedroom. I put my clothes next to my bag and close the blinds, then the curtains blocking out any chance of light filtering in through the window before jumping onto the bed and turning on the television. I make myself comfortable and flip through the channels. How long has it been since I've done something as menial as watching television? I never got into it all that much but every once in a while Dimitri and I would curl up in bed together and watch some shows or movies just to kill time or to enjoy the silence between us.

I stop on some comedy show and lay onto my side, not really watching. I try not to focus on the empty space next to me. The space that should be occupied by my lovely Russian boyfriend but instead it is like a festering wound. It's there, getting harder and harder to ignore as it gets worse off. After seeing Dimitri a couple of days ago, all I can do is think about him and Lissa and Christian and wonder how they are doing. I can't bring myself to visit Lissa again. Even thought I know I can and more than once have I caught myself half way to her and had to stop myself, I can't bring myself to completely go through with it.

I don't want to see Dimitri spiraling downward. I don't want to see him like I was when he was gone. Cold and sad and desperate for something to make me feel better. That was how Adrian and I got together, and subsequently ruined our precious friendship. I loved Dimitri with all my heart and I knew that. I knew that, and I still tried to be with Adrian because I don't know how to live without Dimitri. I don't want to see Dimitri acting like me. Seeking out someone to help fill that hole that has no doubt appeared in his every-day life.

But more than that, I don't want to see him move on. I don't want to see any of them move on. I don't want to see Lissa and Christian and Dimitri move and be happy without me in their life. I want them to be happy, but not without me. I know it's selfish and I hate myself for thinking it but I want to be something that they want, something that they think of fondly. Not just somebody that they knew.

After a few hours of mindlessly staring at the people on the screen, I finally turn the television off and curl up onto my side. I close my eyes and try to sleep.

Abe shows up outside my hotel door exactly when he promised. It is human noon when I opened the door and let him, Povel and Asland into my little hotel room. Naturally, Abe walks in like he owns the place, as oddly dressed as he usually is. Although I really liked the powder blue shirt this time and the leapord print jacket. I could laugh at just how crazy he looks, but it's kind of a relief that he hasn't changed. I mean, I know it hasn't been that long, only a few weeks since we last spoke face to face, excluding the night that I along with the rest of my Strigoi gang attacked him and his good guy - sorta? - brigade, but it's still nice.

Povel is completely uncomfortable. He's watching my every move like I'm going to go psycho on them at any moment. Yes, he's a good Guardian. But it's also nice to see that while Asland holds a healthy bit of caution entering into Strigoi territory, he also seems slightly happy to see me. Probably because he owes me his life, but still, it's nice to see another friendly face. He even offers a single nod toward me, to which I nod back, feeling like the exchange would be complete if we pounded chests and did a complex handshake, but I suppose that comes later.

Abe looks around the plan room with disinterest before turning to face me, placing his - what I'm sure is a pimp cane - firmly on the floor in front of him, placing both hands over the sleek golden skull at the top. He looks at me with very familiar dark eyes. "Well, Rosemarie, are you ready to depart?"

I nod, grabbing my hair brush out of my bag and running through it a few times swiftly before tossing it into my bag once more and closing it up once more. I turn back to Abe to see his focus solely one me. I wish I could read him. I wish at that moment, when I looked into his eyes as he stared back at me if he saw Rosemarie Hathaway, the daughter he didn't raise but I guess still wants to be the father of. If he Rose Hathaway, the Guardian of Lissa Dragomir? Or if he saw Rose, Strigoi, scourge of the Moroi race.

I didn't ask though. I'm not sure I want to know.

"I'm ready, old man," I say, putting the backpack over my shoulders and stare at him. "Where are we going?"

Abe looks pleased. "Somewhere safe."


End file.
